Drive Me Crazy
by Forever Yours Zana
Summary: Ed has a crush on a girl, crossdresses and on top of his ever stressing life, has to deal with Envy. Who he might like. We don't know just yet. Chapter 9: Nothing can ever go as planned, that's how life is. [EnvyxEd]
1. Ed Hates Envy Right?

A/N: (accidentally stumbles in the FMA fandom and looks around) Oh, this isn't Yu-Gi-Oh…but since I'm here, I think I'll write a fic! (Sees Ed) EDWARD-KUN!

Ed: What? Another fan girl? (sighs) When will it end?

**Disclaimer: I do not own FMA or anything else. This applies throughout all chapters. And if I did…well, FMA would be screwed. **

**Warnings: AU, some OOC-ness, Insanity…shonen-ai…a romantic comedy…which is a good thing since romantic comedies are my specialty…xD**

**Drive Me Crazy **

**Chapter 1: Ed Hates Envy…Right?**

Today was just **not** a happy day in the life of Edward Elric.

He was failing the classes of art and computer applications. Ed could understand the importance of computers, (although he did not just get how one worked, what WAS Microsoft anyway?), but ART! It wasn't his fault that he couldn't draw to save his life. And apparently, art was an **important** subject. If he failed art for the entire year, he would have to take it over…in summer school.

And Ed did _not_ have time for summer school. Especially for _art_.

He was a freaking **_prodigy_** in everything else, didn't that count for SOMETHING?

On top of his failing classes, there was his family. There was only the three of them. His mother was sick. She had been ill for awhile and no doctor could find out what was wrong with her. So she was home all the time, in bed. His younger brother Al was optimistic and always tried to put a smile on everyone's face. Edward's father left the family with no explanation at all and ever since, Ed hated him. That Bastard…

Because of The Bastard, he had to get a job. That was where fate decided to be cruel to him. It was hard to find a job because he was so young and…**they **all thought he was twelve…or **_younger_**. Ed had to sort **THOSE **people out with shouts of, "I'M **SIXTEEN** DAMNIT!" Finally, there was a café. A cute little café where girls dressed up in somewhat…_revealing _black and white maid outfits. It was Ed's last choice, but he was desperate. The boss decided to hire him too, but…he had to wear the uniform and impersonate a female. "It's our little tradition," the perverted man chuckled and Ed decided to do it anyway. The money The Bastard left couldn't support their family forever. The doctor bill was always rising. And so, being a waitress at the little café had been Ed's deepest, darkest secret. The only people who knew were his mother, brother, and Winry.

Because Winry had known him for a long time and she also worked there.

Ed wanted nothing more than to go home and cuddle up in his frail mother's arms and fall into a secure slumber, but right after school, Ed had work to do. Which was why, at the moment, his long, golden-blonde hair was down and he wore a scandalously short maid outfit, complete with the black high heels and little hat-thingy. Ed hated the hat-thingy.

"Ed, are you okay? You're looking more pissed off than usual," Winry commented, standing next to him. "Why wouldn't I be pissed off Winry? I'm about to go to freakin' summer school for a FUCKING **ART** CLASS!" The blonde teenage girl promptly pulled out a wrench and gave a good wack to Ed's head, "Grow up and take some art lessons or something. In fact, I'll teach you! And then I can teach you all about computers!" Her gaze turned glassy as she rambled on about the wonders of technology. Winry was a mechanical-techno geek extraordinaire. Ed moved away before he could be pummeled with more random wrenches.

"Hey blondie…yeah, you, the **short** one, I've been waiting for five seconds, I'm getting impatient!"

Ed twitched. Someone DID NOT just call him short.

"Hellloo, **pipsqueak**, I don't have all day!"

Oh yeah, someone did. Ed cracked his knuckles and turned around, going off on the person had just called him short **twice**, "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO **TINY** THAT WHEN I HAVE TO GET ORDERS I HAVE TO CLIMB A HUGE LADDER IN ORDER TO GET TO THE TOP OF THE TABLE TO HEAR THAT PERSON SPEAKING! AND YOU SAID IT **SIX **TIMES!" (A/N: I like making him exaggerate xD)

Ed promptly stopped and blinked. The other person blinked as well before giving a small, slow smirk, "Why…o'chibi-san, it that you?" Ed twitched again. He started to speak, in a pitchy, falsetto voice, "I do not know this person you speak of…have a nice day!" Then he ran to the back, where Envy-no-one-knows-his-last-name could not sexually harass him.

Flashback

It was the first day of art class on the first day of sophomore year for Edward Elric. His day was going well enough, even though he was not too keen on the idea of drawing and painting pretty pictures. In his opinion, art was for preschool kids and nothing more. He sat where the back tables were and whistled silently to himself. Winry sat next to him, talking about how fun it was that they were in class together and something else about a computer thingamajig.

That was when his first-ever serious crush had walked through the door.

She had brown skin that reminded him of the lightest chocolates and dark brown hair with surprising pink bangs. Her face held a friendly, open look, with a lovely smile to match. She scanned the room around once with her deep purple eyes. Gold met violet and then she went and sat next to the other side of Ed. Ed was about to introduce himself when Winry's shout blocked out his own voice. He fell out of his chair and hit the floor.

"Oh my God! Rose Thomas, is that you? Your hair grew! And it's not black anymore, did you dye it? It looks so cute! You look so cute! I haven't seen you in _forever_!" Then Winry started using a series of hand signs. Rose and Winry made these signs at neck-breaking speeds before getting into a girl-friend-filled hug.

"Why are you guys doing _sign_ language? Is it some kind of code?" Ed asked, bewildered and also a bit irritated at Winry for not even introducing him and for knocking him to the ground. Winry gave a sigh, "Edward…Rose can't talk…okay? Oh, by the way, this is Ed…but he's so small, it's not important…"

"WHO'S THE **ULTRA-SMALL** BEAN IN A CAN!"

"You," the girl replied. Then she started to run for her life as a heated Ed chased after her, swearing phrases of death. Rose watched, before giving a huge smile. Her eyes danced with laughter. Ed went back to his seat after successfully hitting Winry with a pack of markers. Rose took out a small red book and wrote in neat cursive: "Nice to meet you Edward, you're very funny." Ed looked back up at her at said, "That's good because I think you have a nice smile." Both started to grin at each other, but their moment was ruined when someone else entered the classroom. It was almost as if their light filled music was ended with an ear-splitting record scratch.

By kicking the whole door down for no apparent reason.

The teen had long, black hair that was styled in long, wispy strands. He wore all black, with a headband that had an odd symbol on it. There was a wicked gleam in his light purple feline eyes, and a smirk on a pale face. He studied the door on the floor before saying, "Ooops…maybe I shouldn't have kicked it so hard. Oh well." He scanned the class before announcing, "This looks like a shitty-ass class. Why the hell am I in art anyway? I'm gonna kill the fucker who put me in this class…"

The teacher, who was a short, old woman, came through the door and gasped. "No foul language shall be used in here. Mrs. Honeycomb will not tolerate that! And who…just _who_ broke down my door? Mrs. Honeycomb is upset!" The pale teen rolled his eyes, (he would have been mistaken for female if it had not been for his clothing), "And why are you referring to yourself in the third person, Mrs. Honey_fuck_?" The more immature students of the class bursted into laughter. Ed couldn't believe the _rudeness_. Just who did this guy think he was anyway? "What a jerk," Winry murmured, with Rose nodding in agreement. "What is your name young man?" Mrs. Honeycomb asked, her voice shaking with anger…or was it fear?

"My crackhead mom named me Envy. She really is a crackhead you know…as for a last name, I don't got one…" More laughter came and the one called Envy sat at Ed's little table.

That was when hell began.

Envy studied the faces at the table, before his eyes landed on Ed. A psychotic-happy smile made its way on his face, "Why **o'chibi-san**, you are just _adorable_! You'll be my new best friend since the other one still isn't out of the hospital…"

Before Ed could spit out a loud rebuttal about his height, Envy leaned over the table and kissed him firmly on the lips, right in front of his crush.

That was how Ed first met Envy.

End Flashback

Ever since that day, all Envy did was touch him and lick him, and basically molest him any chance his got. This was why half the kids in school thought that he was gay and actually _dated_ the nutcase. But Ed learned a few things about Envy: 1) He was psycho, 2)He likes being psycho-happy and carries weapons with him all the time, 3) Call him ugly…and you die, and number four, the most important, 4)ENVY IS BIPOLAR! BEWARE HIS MOOD-SWINGS!

Ed ran so fast that he did not notice that he was in his boss' office until he heard his boss' voice purr, "I see you're finally coming my way…" For that, Roy Mustang received a swift kick to the face. "Shut the hell up pedophile." "And please explain to me why you're back here? I don't pay you to flirt with me…" Ed gave this boss the middle finger before saying, "There's another pervert out there after me…why in the hell do I attract all the weirdos?" Mustang wrapped his arms around Ed, "Because you're so cute in that unfo…"

Roy Mustang revived a swift, hard kick in the balls. Needless to say, he fell down on the ground, groaning in pain. "Piss off freak," he growled. The door opened and Winry peeked her blonde head in, "Ed, can you tell your boyfriend to stop terrorizing the customers…he wants to see you…" Ed sighed. Today was **so **not his day.

XXX

Envy wanted to see his Edo-kun, and it made him…upset when the chibi ran away from him, as if he was some type of _disease_. He had already knocked down five tables, and there were more to go. He was about to flip the six one over when… "ENVY! What in the hell are you doing!" Envy flipped the table over anyway before running up to Ed and grasping him in a hug, "O'chibi-san, there you are! You look so sexy in that dress, you should cross-dress more often!" Ed growled, "Stop touching me you psycho…and why is your hair green?"

Envy let Ed go, "Oh, I just dyed it. I decided to go with the whole 'sin' thing. You know what they say, 'Green with Envy?'" _You're like a Walking Human Sin!_ Ed thought bitterly. "You look like a palm tree." An evil grin adorned Envy's face, "Really? Is that what you think…o'chibi-san?" Ed knew Envy had switched moods and was about to move farther back when the green-haired sin grabbed him by the shoulders and shoved him back against the nearest wall. His skull made contact with the wall in a painful way.

"I've been patient, o'chibi, but it annoys me when you don't show respect…" Ed snorted, "You're not my parent and stop calling me a chibi DAMNIT!" Ed gained the strength to latch onto both of Envy's bare arms and shoved him to the floor. Envy smiled and pushed his foot on both of Ed's legs, causing the blonde to fall right on top of him. Envy wrapped his arms around the blonde and pushed his body into his, causing Ed to involuntarily blush. "Behave chibi, or I'll let EVERYONE know you about your little after school activity. We wouldn't want them to think you're gay _and _a drag queen, eh?"

"You son of a bitch…" Envy tsk-ed, "Behave o'chibi…now…gimme a kiss." With disgust, Ed got off of Envy, who went into a fit of laughter. His fingers slid toward Ed's skirt, "I wonder what's under there…" Ed slapped it away, "Why won't you leave me alone? You're driving me crazy…!"

Envy's facial expression became suddenly serious, "Because I'm in love with you Edward."

"**WHAT!" **

"Well," Envy corrected, "more like in _lust_ with you. That should be the new phrase. I'm in _lust _with you. Well, I have drugs to shoot up and people to beat up, I'll catch ya tomorrow o'chibi!" With a surprise, chaste kiss on Ed's lips, the green-haired left the café, cackling wildly. Ed spat on the floor, "THAT'S GROSS YOU SICK FUCK! YUCK! WHAT IN THE HELL!"

"What in the hell is correct. My little café is a mess and I want it all cleaned before you leave tonight. Got it?" Ed stood and glared at Mustang, "What? I have homework to do and…"

"End of discussion. Get to work…shorty."

After being beaten unconscious with a broom, Winry tended to her boss. Edward needed to learn how to control his horrible temper…

XXX

Alphonse Elric looked at the clock. It was 1:23 in the morning and his brother still was not back from work. He sighed and decided that he would go to bed, after he gave his mother her medication…

**1: 53 am…**

As soon as he was home, Ed took off his ridiculous uniform and checked on his mother.

She was resting peacefully in bed, her long chestnut-brown hair in a halo around her. Ed closed her door before checking on Al, who was fast asleep. "Night bro," he whispered before closing his door.

Ed finally retreated to his own room and fell into his own bed. He was too tired to even do homework. So instead, he allowed thoughts of Rose to float through his mind. Rose smiling, Rose in a field of roses…Envy nude…

**ENVY NUDE!**

Ed quickly allowed the idea to burn and crash. Rose and Ed kissing in the field of roses…

That was much better.

XXX

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Zana: There, first chapter done! Wow…I didn't expect it to end that way. Oh well, I want Envy's character to be screwed up because he's so much cuter that way! And even though this is and EdxEnvy story, I rather like EdxRose than EdXWinry. Coming next chapter: Ed and Rose developments? Envy's never-ending Envy-ish-ness, WRATH! (Just cause I love him!), MORE ED IN THE MAID OUTFIT, MORE ROY, and more confusion! Let the games begin!

Ed: Why couldn't you stay in the Yu-Gi-Oh fandom?

Zana: Silence…o'chibi…

Ed: WHAT! WHO'S A **REDUCED** SUPER-SIZE MEAL AT McDONALD'S!

Envy:…..WTF?

Zana: Exactly…

Al: Please R&R, it would make her happy and make her continue! I mean, don't you want to see this face? (smiles)

Wrath: (shoves Al on the floor) They all want me…. (poses)

Ja ne!


	2. So Why Does Edo Feel This Way?

Zana: (dies from shock because some of her favorite FMA authors actually reviewed her worthless junk)

Envy: Yes, the witch is dead, the witch is dead!

Ed: Which witch?

Envy: The wicked witch of this fic!

Ed and Envy: The witch is dead! (Break into an Irish jig…)

Zana: (comes back from the dead) Wow, I just want to take some time to say…thank you **aruslym**, **xxDreamTheaterxx**, and **razatip **for reviewing because I love some of your work and it has inspired me to start this little ficcy! Basically, anyone who reviewed gets a big bear hug from…EDO!

Ed: …what? Did you just say…?

Zana: (throws Ed for the reviewers to hug, grope, e.c.t…hint, hint, wink)

Ed: NOOOO! ENVY SAVE ME!

Envy: (Painting nails) I love this color…hmm….did someone call my name?

Zana: (coughs) Ok, here's the next chapter! And here's a little bonus to everyone…by the end of this story, the chapter titles come up into their own little story…so watch out for the titles! Another little A/N…I'm not quite sure how a Japanese school day goes…and I'm too lazy (Sloth 'tis my sin?) to look it up…so I'm (as I always say) "Faking it." Bear with me…

**Drive Me Crazy **

**Chapter 2: So Why Does Edo Feel This Way? **

"Edward…can you come in here…just for a moment?" At the sound of his mother's voice, Ed dashed into her room. She was awake and sat up in bed. A smile softened her features. "What is it mom? Are you alright? Do you feel any pain?" Trisha Elric shook her head, "No…I'm feeling fine. I just wanted to see you before you went to school…Alphonse left already, did he?" Ed nodded. She lifted a delicate hand and placed it on Ed's cheek. It felt cool against his warm skin. "You look just like him you know…both you and your brother…"

Ed scowled. He still did not understand why his mother cared at all for That Bastard, but he would not curse him in front of her. Trisha leaned over and gave Ed a gentle kiss on his forehead, "Off to school now…I want to see those straight A's on your report card…" Ed made another face. He would not get straight A's unless he magically became a computer-geek like Winry and an amazing artist like Rose…

On his way out, Ed saw Mrs. Gracia, his mother's nurse and he greeted her a good morning before leaving the woman to her duties. Spring had come forth and summer was on the horizon. The lovely weather made Ed's spirit rise a bit. Maybe today would be a good day…

"Ed, wait for us!"

He turned. There was Winry, but his mind was able to block her out and he only saw his one true love Rose. Rose waved at him and he waved back in a dreamy way. Then Winry had to ruin it all with her non-stop talking…

"Good morning Ed…how's your mom?" He shrugged, not feeling comfortable about the subject, "She's fine…" Winry nodded, "That's good…you know, you should try out for the school play!" "Why would I want to do that?" Winry placed a finger on her index finger on her lips and giggled, "Oh, you know…because I wrote it…and I think you'd make a good Ted…" Ed raised an eyebrow, "And why would I make a good…_Ted_?"

She gave Rose a wink before saying, "Oh…because Ted Belirc is a man of…_small _stature…" **"WHO'S THE CIRCUS CLOWN _MIDGET_ THAT PERFORMS AT FIVE YEAR OLD'S BIRTHDAY PARTIES?" **Winry ignored the outburst and continued, "He's blonde and he hates milk and…"

Ed suddenly became composed and asked, "Winry…did you base this Ted Belric that just so happens to rhyme with Ed Elric off of…oh, let's say…**ME**?" Winry shook her head, "No, no, _why _would you think that Edo?" Ed paused, "BECAUSE I _KNOW_ YOU DID! NOW THE WHOLE SCHOOL HAS ANOTHER THING TO SAY ABOUT ME! THEY'RE GONNA SAY, 'YOU KNOW THAT ONE GAY KID THAT GOES WITH THAT ONE PSYCHO PLAM TREE? HE'S A CHRACTER IN THE FREAKING SCHOOL PLAY!' DO YOU KNOW HOW _LAME_ THAT IS? AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE _SUPPOSE_ TO BE MY _FRIEND_!"

Her clear blue eyes welled up, "You don't have to be so mean about it you jerk!" She dug into her purse and pulled out her handy-dandy wrench.

A few minutes later, Ed laid on the sidewalk with a huge bump on his head while Winry walked ahead, dragging Rose with her. Ed slowly sat up, murmuring, "Note to self…before yelling at Winry, make sure there is no tool-like item in sight...check…"

"I knew that was **my** o'chibi-san yelling! Morning _chibi_!"

Ed twitched. _If _God existed, why did He hate him so? Why did He forsake him? And here Ed thought today was going to be a good day…

He turned his head to the side and saw a very snazzy red sports car. Envy's newly-dyed emerald head stuck out, trademark psychotic grin on his face. "C'mon, I'll give you a ride…"

"No thanks," Ed grunted and he started to speed walk. The car started to follow him until it was right next to him, matching his pace. Envy's eyes abruptly grew darker, "Get in the damn car chibi or I'll come out there, fuck you up, and drag your unconscious body in…and by the time we would get to school, I would have successfully raped you...I'm sure we don't want _that _to happen, eh?"

Ed knew Envy by now and he knew that Envy would not hesitate to do the following if needed. So he stopped. The car door opened, "That's a good boy…get in, I won't bite…much…" _It's official…God does NOT exist because if he did, he would make me taller, make my mother better and save me from Envy…_

The driver of the car was another man. He was much older and looked like a shark in Ed's eyes. Sitting next to the man in front was a little boy with long black hair. He appeared to be very pissed off about something. As soon as the car door closed, Envy pulled Ed into a crushing hug. "I missed you so much o'chibi-san…I dreamed about you in that adorable French maid outfit…then I wasn't able to sleep all night…"

"Yeah, cause he was jacking off! **I **couldn't sleep! All night he was all like, _'Oh God, chibi!'_ It was nasty as hell…I'm traumatized for life," added the little kid in front. The man driver snickered, "Oh really Envy? Well he _is _a cute one…" Envy freed his grasp on Ed and leaned forward in order to smack the child upside his head, "Shut the _hell _up Wrath, you dumb fuck!" Wrath turned in his seat and spat on Envy, "Make me you _psycho_! I _hate _you, I'd wish you'd fucking _die_!"

"I'd have to **kill** you first!" Envy shouted back before wrapping his hands around the youth's neck. Wrath started to pale and gasp for breath. The driver was now on his cell phone, discussing something about prostitutes. This was one dysfunctional, insane family…

"Envy, stop it, you'll really _kill_ him!" Ed shouted. Envy stopped and let go of the kid. Wrath took a deep breath before going into a violent coughing fit. Envy looked at Ed, "Sorry you had to see that…you see, my little brother is a dumbass…and my father Greed, is a pimp…"

Ed nodded slowly. He wanted to jump out of this car and run down the street, but couldn't. Envy had pulled him back into his arms. He loosened Ed's braid and now ran his fingers through the silky, golden hair, "O'chibi-san…your hair smells like strawberries…what shampoo do you use?" Ed squirmed; there was something unnerving to him about people playing with his hair… especially people like Envy…

The car stopped and Wrath got out. "Have a nice day at school kid," Greed chirped. Wrath rolled his eyes, "Fuck you." Ed noticed that they were in front of his brother's school. "Hey Wrath…do you know Alphonse Elric?" Wrath stopped and nodded, "Yeah, he's in my class…no wonder you looked familiar…" Then he ran up to the school building when he heard someone shout his name.

"Um…Envy…can you stop messing with my hair?"

"No…I like it…unless…you give me a kiss…"

Now the blonde was annoyed. He shoved Envy away, "I don't want to kiss you…it makes me want to throw up, what part of that don't you under-"

He did not get to finish his sentence as the 'palm-tree' pushed him back against the window, pinning both arms on either side of his head. The head-to-glass contact made him feel slightly dizzy…or did he always feel _dizzy _lately? Envy's nose touched his and Envy's warm breath tickled his skin. "What did ya say chibi? My kisses make you sick? What makes you think you're so much better than me?" Ed did not reply. Envy's nails dug within the flesh of his wrists, "Hmm? Tell me, enlighten me Edward…"

_Crap…not calling me a chibi means he's freaking mad at me! Will he try and kill me like he tried to do to Wrath? Is his father aware of any of this?_

"No answer, huh? Well you'd better learn to _like_ my kisses, or I'll just let your oh-so-_precious _darling Rose find out your little secret…" And with that, Envy licked the chibi's neck, running his tongue over the collarbone and slowly up his chin…wispy strands of green made contact with flesh…their bodies rubbed against one another and Ed started to feel hot…Envy stopped at Edward's lips and was about to grant a kiss…

"We're at your school, get the hell out of my car, I have things to do…" Daddy Greed announced. Ed used Envy's surprise as an advantage as he unlocked the car door. Due to their position, he fell out backwards and hit his head against the concrete of the sidewalk. Envy stuck his head out and looked down with feigned concern, "O'chibi, are you conscious?"

Ed sat up, "I feel great, okay, catch you some other time, bye!" He scampered off as far away as possible. The whole scene in the car made him think…and thinking was something he did not want to do at the moment…

**XXX**

**First Period Honors English…Teacher: Izumi Curtis **

**XXX**

Ed was very, very afraid of Mrs. Curtis. So were most students just because she was a very, very scary teacher, with dreadlocks. Some of the students called her Medusa behind her back. Ed was late to her class.

"Edward, why are you late to this wonderful class?" she asked pleasantly as soon as he entered. "Um…I got a ride with a friend and…his father was…"

"DO I CARE ABOUT _HOW_ YOU GET TO SCHOOL? DON'T LET ME SEE YOU BE LATE FOR MY CLASS EVER **AGAIN**!" Ed had found himself get lunged across the room by her. Wasn't student abuse against the law? She then clapped her hands together, "Okay class, now today we're going to start reading _The Odyssey_…"

**XXX**

**Second Period Honors Algebra…Teacher: Jean Havoc**

**XXX**

Havoc smoked in class, even though smoking was strictly forbidden. He talked about always losing his girlfriends and never taught enough math. Ed doubted that he even knew that pi was a number, and not a food item. Since Ed was the most intelligent person in class, he sometimes, (if not always), taught the class…

Needless to say…it did not help with his social status…especially when he assigned the class homework and tests…

Someone threw a half-eaten chocolate bar at his head…

**XXX**

**Third Period AP Chemistry…Teacher: Maes Hughes **

**XXX**

And this was suppose to be a 12th grade college-class…

"Guess what class? Today is Elysia's BIRTHDAY! She's _three_! But now I'm going to show you some her baby pictures from when she was only _two_!"

That's how basically every class went. Mr. Hughes was obsessed with his little girl. The tests in class were all about Elysia…it was forty-five minute Elysia-fest…

Ed was seriously thinking about switching to regular 10th grade science…

**XXX**

**Fourth Period P.E… Teacher: Riza Hawkeye**

**XXX**

"Come on, I know you people can run faster than _that_!"

Bam, Bam, **BAM**! Gunshots.

Ed ran for his life around the track in fear of having a bullet get stuck up his ass. Shooting at students **had** to be _illegal_ right? Ed went to one seriously messed-up school. The only good thing about gym was that he got to see Rose move around in her athletic body…God why was that mechanical-geek in the way!

"Edward, you're **slacking**!" **BAM**!

This time the gunshot was only mere centimeters away from his foot…one day he would _so _die in this class…

**XXX**

**Lunch **

**XXX**

"So Ed are you going to try out for the play?" Winry asked as she sat across from him. He sighed and simply poked at the pathetic excuse of pizza the school served up for lunch. "No…it would just make my life _worse_…" Winry frowned, "Oh c'mon Ed, your life isn't _that _bad…"

A group of senior males walked pass their table. They winked and whistled at the two girls, and then laughed and pointed at Ed, "There goes that one guy that fucks Envy…!"

Ed looked back at Winry with an "I told you so," glare. "Those guys are jerks…and perverted…" She blushed slightly.

"What do you mean _perverted_, they were checking out Rose not _YOU_..."

"Oh shut up **short** stuff!"

"COMPUTER GEEK!"

"MILK HATER!"

She placed a carton of milk on his tray and he yelled as he threw it into the nearest trash can. Winry pulled at her hair, "No wonder why you grow ONLY A CENTIMETER EVERY THREE YEARS! YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH CALCIUM!"

"I'M NOT DRINIKNG COW PISS!"

At this point, most students in the cafeteria watched the argument unfold with slight interest. Rose was use to all this and she delicately ate a piece of fresh lettuce.

"**O'CHIBI-SAN**! There you are!" Oh dear Lord…

Envy grabbed Ed's hand and looked coolly at Winry, "Excuse me blondie, I need to borrow him for a bit, okay?" Then he proceeded to drag Ed out of the cafeteria with everyone watching. The senior guys from earlier made teasing sounds and Ed felt his cheeks grow warm. Ed would get made fun of, but no one dared said a _thing_ about Envy. Because of what happened to Jeremy Jefferson…poor guy still wasn't out of that coma...

And besides…Envy was rather popular with a lot of kids…

"Envy…what do you want _now_?" the blonde asked once the two were alone in the hallways. Envy did his Cheshire smile, "I like what you're wearing today…" Ed blinked. _What I'm…wearing?_

It was 78 degrees out today, so Ed, (not really paying attention to what he threw on in the morning), wore a pair of khaki shorts with a sleeveless red v-neck top…Ed's eyes widened at the realization…

_I look **damn **good today! Ack, now he's going to want to molest me even MORE!_ (A/N: Ed seems to be oblivious when it comes to his good looks, ne?)

"Bingo," Envy said with a wider grin, "I can't believe you actually took time in the morning to look pretty for me! Why…I'm touched…" Envy made a gesture to wipe away an imaginary tear. Ed grimaced, "No way…"

"Wrong answer…now let's finish what we started this morning…" Without further warning, Envy had Ed pinned against the wall. Roughly, his lips crashed with Ed's and they were kissing. Ed was trying to fight off his snake-like tongue but to no avail. It went into his mouth and moved in passion-stricken circles, a forbidden dance…

His mind yelled, _Ew, ew, ew, get this freak off of me NOW!_

But his body sang, _More, more…I need more…contact_

The body side was winning as he unwillingly thrusted his hips toward Envy's in a suggestive manner. Envy was deepening the kiss, now trying to engulf all of Ed inside his heat. A hand wandered and found the chibi's firm ass, which he grabbed without shame…

That was huge wake-up call…

Ed shoved Envy off of him as if the other teen was caught on fire. He took his hand and wiped his mouth, spitting. "What in the hell is wrong with you!"

"Don't _even_ give me that bull Edward, or I swear to God I will slap the shit out of you…" Can anyone say rapid mood change?

Ed was frightened now…

"Don't tell me you didn't like it, you did like it, you were fucking begging for _it_!" Ed shook his head, "No I wasn't! Stop playing games with me!"

"No one's playing games…but do you want to play a game? Okay…" Envy grabbed both of Ed's hands and started to move around in a circle with him. "Ring around the Rosie, a pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all fall _DOWN_!" He tugged Ed on the ground with him and the chibi fell into his lap. He licked the outer shell of his ear, "Do you know what the song's about? The song that even the youngest of kids sing? It's about death…it refers to the Black Plague…over twenty five million dead bodies…and we're **all** going to fall down **dead**…" Envy giggled slightly.

Ed shivered, "You're one sick bastard…" Envy bit down on Ed's ear and licked it again, "But you like it…right? We're all messed up on the inside; I just don't try to hide it like everyone else…"

_He's right Ed…he's right…_

Ed got off of Envy, "Keep your so-called _philosophies_ to yourself. I'm going to go eat…and then wash my mouth out…" Envy latched onto Ed's arm, "Then I'll see you in art...and make even more of an excuse for that mute girl not to even _look_ at you…later o'chibi…" He kissed Ed softly on the cheek before making his way down the hallway, cigarette in hand.

_We're all messed up on the inside; I just don't try to hide it like everyone else…_

Ed shook his head. No…no…Envy was insane…he was wrong…

Right?

**XXX**

**Fifth Period Honors World Civilizations…Teacher: Alex Louis Armstrong**

**XXX**

Ed really, really, _really _did not like this class simply because his teacher had this urge to show off his steroid-looking, bulging muscles.

And instead of world history, they learned about his family history.

Ed doubted that he was going to get into a good college later…

"_Edward, are you paying attention? My muscles will NOT stand for this…!_"

It felt even worse to be touched by those bulging muscles…

Ugh.

**XXX**

**Sixth Period Computer Applications…Teacher: Takeshi Wastsu **(A/N: Well…they do live in Japan… xD)

**XXX**

This was one of the only two classes that he was failing. Ed just did not understand computers. In fact, he was sure that all computers were plotting against him…just waiting to attack with their _Microsoft_ allies…but that was just Ed being paranoid again…

Ed walked into class. He walked near the teacher's desk and gasped at the substitute that took his place.

**THIS WAS NOT HAPPENING…**

"Please let this be a nightmare," Ed whispered to himself. The man at the desk smirked, "No Edward, I'm afraid it's not…it really is a small world isn't it? Of course…you get lost even in the blades of grass on the ground…"

"**WHO YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT I'M THE LAST PERSON TO FEEL THE RAIN WHEN IT POURS FROM THE SKY!" **

Yes, it was Roy Mustang, his oh-so-perverted boss from his job at the café in which he had to wear a skimpy French maid costume…wait…this was his _boss_…

"Mustang, you'd better keep you mouth shut, got it?" he threatened in a low voice as the other students started to show up to class. "Don't get on my bad side…ten I might just accidentally spill the beans…" Ed twitched, "Then I'll report you to the police for being a _fucking_ pedophile!"

Mustang sighed, "Then I'll make a deal with you…we both keep our mouths shut…and I'll stop hitting on you when you're in your uniform…" Ed nodded, "Deal…" Mustang leaned back in his seat, pleased with himself, "After school, you must also tell me more about Riza Hawkeye…she's an interesting one…"

Ed rolled his eyes. Talk about man-whore…

**XXX**

**Seventh Period Introduction into Art…Teacher: Mrs. Georgina Honeycomb**

**XXX**

'Ed are you feeling alright, you look pale,' Rose signed to Ed. The blonde gave a small smile, "I'm fine…it's just that today has been a long day…" After the bell rang, Mrs. Honeycomb entered class, holding a large stack of papers in her hand, "I've graded all of your ink drawings…some were _most _impressive…and others…were _not_…"

There was no sign of Envy and Ed hoped that the teen was skipping class, as he did once in awhile. Mrs. Honeycomb gave him back his paper and there was a huge **F **written in the top corner with red marker. Ed sighed. It wasn't his fault he couldn't draw people and it was the teacher's fault for making them use ink anyway! Winry peered over at his paper, "Hey Ed…was that _suppose_ to be…Rose?"

It was…but Ed did not want Rose to know that! Damn Winry and her insightful-ness!

"Of course not…it was suppose to be, ah…_you_…" Winry balled up her fists, "Am I suppose to look _that _ugly ED!" She gave a good upper cut that knocked Ed out of his chair. 'Winry, that was mean!' Rose signed. 'I think Ed has some talent…we all have our distinct styles…'

Their moment was interrupted when Envy came into class and he just so happened to have seen Winry punch Ed. Uh…oh…

"**Hey bitch; why in the hell did you touch** **MY chibi?"** The green-haired teen cracked his knuckles and slowly walked toward their little section in the art room. "Envy, sit down!" Mrs. Honeycomb, shouted, but he did not listen. She did not dare move any closer, because she was terrified. Ed sat up, and glared at Envy, "Leave her alone, or I'll have to fight you…" Envy cocked his head to the side in amusement, "Let's fight then…I just hope I don't bruise your pretty face…" Ed had no clue about what he was getting himself into…Envy was fast and unbelievably strong for such a thin, lithe body. "Ed, don't listen to him," Winry chided but Ed ignored her. This was a bit more than fighting to protect a friend…if Ed could defeat Envy…then maybe the sin would not invade his most private thoughts and trick his mind with his fucked-up views on life…Envy would finally leave him alone…

_But do you really want Envy to leave you alone? _

The fight started. Envy swung his right arm in order to deliver a punch, but Ed, a force to be reckoned with, dodged and moved his left arm to give a blow of his own. Envy had this psychotic grin of bloodlust on his face as he flipped back twice. Ed remembered that Envy was also very agile and flexible…damn…

Envy's leg connected with Ed's stomach and the shorter teen stumbled back against the wall. It hurt…it really did hurt a lot…and Envy's fist was coming toward his stomach…

**BAM**

Ed moved to the side at the last minute and had successfully slammed Envy face-first into the wall that he had his won back against minutes ago. Students gasped. Rose's eyes widened as she started to see blood trickle down Envy's face…

"You…**really **shouldn't have done that…now I have to actually try…"Ed didn't care. He now wanted to make Envy hurt some more…he wanted to inflict pain on someone else…

He grabbed a handful of long, green hair and started to repeatedly bash Envy's head against the wall. It's once white color started to get highlighted with a little bit of red…

_We're all messed up on the inside…_

"**Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" **Pure rage manifested itself onto Ed's face…this was all for his mother…That Bastard…and Envy annoying the hell out of him…

Then Ed let go…he felt tired.

He fainted…

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Envy: What…the…fuck…? Ok, since when could o'chibi kick MY ass! (Glares at Zana)

Zana: (is in shock that she wrote all that) This is suppose to be a **romantic comedy**, why did I type all this up! Maybe I have some pented-up anger issues…but…you should have seen this coming folks. Ed felt dizzy earlier…ah…picking up the clues now? Well, whoever guesses why Ed fainted can **have Envy for a chapter**…I hope the fight scene didn't suck too badly…not really my forte…but I love fight scenes…meh…

Envy: **WHAT! **

Zana: I think the genre might change…I must be bipolar…oh and I just found out about the Ring Around The Rosie thing a few days ago from my friend…afterwards I was seriously creeped out when these kids I baby-sit started to sing it… (Shivers) Next chapter might have some more drama…but then we're going back to Romantic Comedy because I always do that…it starts out one genre and ends up becoming angst or drama...I like romantic comedies damn it! (Scolds herself) And also, not to confuse people…Wrath and Al are like…13…and in eight grade!

Ed: (Comes back from the reviewers nude and scared…) …Ack… (Reads chapter) I beat up Envy! Yippee, I just hope you're not going to make me crazy! You won't right Zana? Zana…?

Zana: (Sits in a corner and plots for the next chapter. An evil grin spreads across her face)

Ed: …Damnit… (Puts on a towel and walks away…)

Envy: …Edo, your ass is MINE…and in more ways than one… (Growls)

Wrath: (has Al tied up in a corner) Please, oh please read and review, it makes her happy and she updates faster…don't you want to see what happens to Ed? Don't you want to see me? (Pouts cutely)

Al: MMPHHH! (Save me!)

Ja ne!


	3. It's Kinda Strange

Zana: I'm back! With another chapter! And people are actually reading this, I feel so loved! (Squeals) I would have had this up sooner, but I accidentally deleted a lot of stuff then I had to retype it…(Glares at Microsoft) No wonder Ed doesn't like you…

Envy: No one loves you, stop playing yourself… (Zana pout-glares)

Zana: … (Hugs Ed) Edo does! Anyway I thank all the reviewers because they make me happy…and when I'm happy…good things happen! (Gets suddenly serious) I have an important announcement…THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER! I'm sorry…everyone…I just don't have the time to write fanfiction anymore… (Snickers) Ok, I'm lying… (Grins)

Ed and Envy: (Anime fall)

Wrath: (Sweat drops)

Zana: C'mon, I can't ever stop writing, it's just too fun! Envy…why are you looking at me that way…?

Envy: (Has a rope and a hammer) Oh Zana-san… (Zana yelps and everything gets dark...)

_A Few Minutes Later…_

Ed: …We have another announcement…Zana is not available at this moment…Envy did something… (Shivers) Save me…

Envy: (wraps arm around Ed's waist) I'm in charge of this chapter and it's going to be in MY point of view…I WILL FINALLY _**TAKE** _CHIBI-SAN!

Ed: ACK! Get the old author back! (Tries to squirm away in Envy's grip)

Al: (sneaks off to save Zana because he's lovable like that…xD)

Envy: Let the fun begin! (Cackles insanely and whips Edo who is now in his French maid outfit…) It's my chapter, be prepared for the **obscene vulgar-ness!**

**Drive Me Crazy**

**Chapter 3: It's Kinda Strange…**

_Envy's Point Of View _

"_**Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!"**_

That's what the chibi shouted as he continued to bash my head into the _damn _wall. Normally, I would have had him unconscious and bloody, but his grip was unnaturally strong… why was he yelling shut up? I wasn't saying anything…did my little chibi _snap_?

I felt his hand loosen the grip in my hair. It hurts like a _bitch _to pull on my hair and anyone who normally tried it in a fight was **_dead_**. But then again, this was o'chibi-san…he had some special exceptions. I turned around, licking the blood that trickled to the corner of my lip, ready to get Edo back, but he moved back and started to sway until he dropped dead onto the ground…

This was serious…my chibi fell! Our fight would have to be postponed; right now my chibi needed medical attention…

That one annoying blonde girl Edo hung out with was freaking out in her little corner. The mute girl that he was 'in love' with appeared to be shocked. Mrs.Honey_fuck_ was saying something, but I wasn't listening. I picked the chibi up, bridal styled, (How _cute _he would look in a white wedding dress, siiigggh...) and immediately made my way to Nurse Lust's office, also known as my aunt. But of course, no one else in school knew that…

When I reached Auntie Lust's office, there was some guy there flirting with her. I recognized him to be Edo's boss from his job at that café. What _in the hell_ was he doing _here?_ And why _in the hell_ was he flirting with _my_ aunt whom I could tell had _zero_ interest in him? Lust looked up at me and hastily moved away from that guy, "Envy, you're bleeding…and what happened to this one? Were you two in a fight…?" I nodded, "Yeah…and he was winning too…until he fainted…" Lust had me place the chibi on a cot and she went to the back room to get a few supplies.

The chibi's boss walked closer to the chibi and started to…to…oh my **_gawd_**, he started to _fucking_ stroke the chibi's _face_! Then he glared at _me_, "What in the _fuck _did you do to him?" I walked up to him until I was inches away from his face, "I didn't do much…only kicked him in the stomach…and _who_ do you think _you are_ touching him like _that?"_ "You shouldn't get into adult matters, _kid."_ "And you shouldn't be such a _fucking pedophile_…you see him?" I rested my Ed on his chest, running a finger down a bare arm, "He is _mine_, and mine only, got it? If I _see or hear_ about you touching him in any inappropriate way…" I smiled as I pulled out my handy-dandy switchblade, "I won't hesitate to cut you up and then feed them to my little brother, the kid eats anything you know…" I gave it a seductive lick to further creep him out. Plus violence kinda _turns me on_…yeah, I'm a freak-o-leek and damn proud!

"Come here Envy…we have to stop that bleeding…and put that knife away!" Chibi's boss gave me a stony stare before saying, "Ed is excused from work today…" Then he left.

Ah, it feels so good to be bad and twisted. The chibi is really _mine_ after all…yeah; I'm possessive, fuck you and love me for it.

Lust made me take off my _cute_ headband and replaced it with ugly white bandages to stop the bleeding. She placed an icepack on Edo's head. I sat down on an available chair, "Will he be ok?" Lust sighed, "I suppose…is this the boy Greed was telling me about that you like?"

I got pissed, "Why IN THE _FUCK_ is everything I do fucking told to _EVERYONE!"_ I can never do anything without half the _world_ knowing. I am going to fuck Greed up and not in the _good _way. Lust smiled and crossed her arms under her _gargantuan_ breasts, "You two make such a cute couple…" I perked up at this, "I know, cute plus cuter equal sexy…" Well, it's true. Another student entered Nurse Lust's domain and he complained of a headache. He was _so_ lying. Every straight male in this school had to see the nurse at least _once_ a day…

My aunt knew this and sighed, "Let's go in the back and give your some medication…" The boy followed her eagerly, watching her ass in pleasure. God, she needs to fucking put _on _some clothes…and she wonders why everyone hits on her…

I continued to watch Edo sleep. He looked peaceful, like a blonde chibi angel from hell…

What? I'm not going to heaven, so I'm going to party it up in hell…if either place even _exists_…

I'll even take Edo with me if needed…meh.

"…Mom…no…don't…don't…" I raised an eyebrow; the chibi was talking in his sleep. What about his mother…? Interesting…

A look of pain crossed his face and he raised and arm up, "…Come back…let me…let me instead…mom….Al…**MOM!" **

I was standing right next to him, therefore it was I who he slapped on the face when he started moving his arms in wild motions…I fell and shouted, "Fuck…!"

Instantly, the chibi sat up, breathing heavily and eyes wide open. He cocked his head to the side and watched me curiously, "…Envy, why are you on the floor?" "I believe it was because you fucking hit me **again**…" The chibi frowned, "…I'm sorry…**but**…you can't threaten my friends like _that…!"_ _Whoa_, now the chibi, whose life I so _graciously_ saved and even _postponed _our fight is yelling at _me_? Oh **hell **no…

"Don't you yell at me chibi, you're _lucky_ I didn't beat your unconscious _ass_ to _death_ after you _fucking passed out_ on me like a _godamned_ _wimp!_" Edo raised his fists, "I didn't ask you _not_ to…let's finish the fight, _here and now…" _

_Ha_, you should have seen it…my chibi all bruised and pale, raising his fists up with that adorable _'I'm gonna kick your ass'_ expression on his face…too funny…

I only used my index finger to poke at his chest and pushed him back down on the cot, "Relax, we'll finish this later, when you're actually a _challenge _again…you're so ungrateful…after I carried your _heavy _ass here…"

Ed stopped his struggling and blinked slowly, "…You…carried me here?" I nodded, "Yup and I got to _feel you up_ on the way." To this comment, the chibi looked down and sighed, "…Envy…" Lusts returned and cut the chibi off, "Ah, you're awake I see…how do you feel? Soreness, right? Here you go…" She handed Edo a cup of water and two white pills which he took without argument. The boy with the so-called headache was walking out and stopped, "…Nurse, I think my stomach hurts now…" Ok, now he was pissing me off. I pulled out my switchblade to which the chibi gasped slightly, "Get the fuck out…_now."_ Without warning, I threw the blade and it landed _just _above his head…a little lower and he might have been dead.

Hey, that _rhymed_…yeah, I know, I need therapy…I love my morbid imagination…blame my crackhead so-called _mother_ Dante…

The guy ran out screaming. Lust gave me a warning glare before looking back at chibi. "My only guess for why you suddenly acted this way is because you've been under a great deal of stress…why are you working at such a young age…what about your mother and fath-"

Edo growled, he really did, "Because I _choose_ to, it's _no one's_ business…"

Oh, touchy subject. I sense soap-opera drama…maybe he's mother's ill and his daddy left and now he's working in order to survive and keep his little family together…nah, that couldn't be it…

Just then, Mrs. Honey_fuck_ came in, holding out two pink slips. She handed them both to Lust. "Both of these boys are suspended for three days…"

"**WHAAAAAAAT!" **

That was chibi. My, he had a set of lungs on him. I think he was hyperventilating…oh my _indeed…_

"But…I never…can't I…school…college…fail…wha…" I sat next to the chibi and wrapped my arms around him, burying my face into his neck. "A **three day** vacation, think of all the **_fun _**things we can do together o'chibi-san…" "…Nononnononononon, _get off of me_, you don't _understand_…!" I licked his neck and kiss the wet spot, "Then explain..." I bit down on the spot I kissed and he yelped. Mrs.Honey_fuck_ must have been _disgusted_ by our _sinful_ acts of homosexuality. Heh, too bad for her, I know tons of yaoi-fangirls at school who go _nuts_ for this junk…maybe Edo and I can give them a show sometime…we'll charge of course because Palm Tree and Chibi action is some **hot** stuff…heh…

"Enough boys…I suggest that on your little vacation Edward that you take it easy and relax…" I slipped my hand under the chibi's shirt and played with his nipples…he blushed as they hardened…

"Oh, I'll make sure my chibi is _very_ relaxed…" Edo slapped my hand out of his shirt and moved away from me. Aw, he _thinks_ he can hide his blushing from me…

"Oh and your _annoying _boss said you had off today…" Edo clenched his fists together, "**WHAT?** That son of a _bitch_, he'll just dock it from my _fucking_ pay check! Oh, I'm going to _work _alright!" My chibi's not only cute, short, and loud, but also determined…I think my lust may be turning into something more for him…_intense _affection, perhaps…

The final bell of the day rang and Edo jumped off the cot, "Thank you Nurse Lust, but I must be going now…" He started running, but I grabbed his braid, "I'll give you ride there o'chibi-san…you shouldn't be walking in your condition…"

"**STOP CALLING ME A CHIBI AND LET GO OF MY HAIR! RAWR!" **

Oooh, I love feisty ones…

If he was going to try and run away, then I would just have to stop him…

I picked him up bridal style and carried him out of school as followed, with him kicking and cursing all the way…

**XXX**

Did I mention how much I **really** hate Wrath?

I do…he's an annoying, bratty brat that I want to shut up **permanently…**

There will never be a peaceful day within our family.

"Hey Envy, guess what your little brother did? He set his math class **on fire!**"

Did I mention how my father, the pimp, is a _dumbass_? My fucked up parents caused me and Wrath to be fucked up children…couldn't they do the math when they were having… (Shudders, EW) sex?

Edo's eyes practically popped out of his head, **"WHAT? IS AL ALRIGHT?"** Wrath looked bored, "Everyone's fine…except the teacher, she's in the hospital…fucking dumbass whore…next time it'll be the whole school…" Then he started to laugh like the little fucked up kid he is. Ed was scared…I bet he would transfer Al out of that school now…

I was bored and the chibi was looking fuckable, (When did he not look fucakble?), so I decided to tease him a bit. I scooted over to the other side of the car that he placed himself in. He glared up at me, "Don't touch me…" I let myself smile, "And since when did I ever listen to you…? I've been very, very, very, **_very_** patient about your whole 'virgin' thing, but soon, I might just have to take _it_ by force…" I pulled on his cowlick that never seemed to stay down, "now lay down little one…"

"**WHO'S THE ULTRA-LITTLE BEAN IN A HUGE-ASS CAN OF TEXAS BEANS!" **

I got him to lay down flat on the backseat. Wrath poked his head in our direction, "Greeeeed, make them _stop_, I don't want to see Envy's ass…!" he whined. "Then don't look shit-face," I told him. "Fucking cock-sucker bitch ass whore!" he shouted back. I have no clue where he learned such foul language…can't be from me…

"Hey, hey, don't _fucking_ curse!" Greed intervened and I snorted. Some fatherly-attempt that turned out to be. Ah, now back to the chibi…

He couldn't struggle much because of the medicine he took was slightly messing with his mind. I pressed my lips against the chibi's and hungrily took over his mouth. His tongue was trying to push mine out, as it always tried to but, but soon he took apart of the kiss, a bit clumsy and inexperienced, but wet and hot all the same time…

I was grinding my entire body against his, (arousal included), to see what type of sweet reaction I could come up with. _Oooh_, I got a pretty good one…his face become flushed and his hips arched forward, pressing _his_ hard cock against _my_ stomach…and chibi _claims_ he doesn't like this…it's only _me_ that can turn him on in this way…

"Yo, we're here…hurry up, soemthing's going down at the whore-house," Greed announced. My fucking father just ruined the moment! Edo pushed me off, all hot and bothered. It was quite endearing to see. He opened the car door and quickly ran into the café. I exited as well. "Are you going to follow him?" Wrath asked stupidly. I smiled sweetly at my little brother, "No shit Sherlock…did you figure that all by yourself or did someone help you?" Wrath stuck both of his middle fingers at me. I slammed the door and Greed sped away.

Ah, time for chibi-stalking. It should really become a sport you know…but then again if any other bastard stalked him, I would fucking rip their insides out…then feed them to Wrath…

The café was called _Simple Pleasures_. I'm guessing the chibi's boss is a freak-o-leek as well. He did have little teenage girls, (and Edo), running around the place in French maid getups. Inside, the atmosphere had a warm and cozy touch, a place you could just lay back and chill.

While watching little teenage girls, (and Edo), serve you in French maid uniforms. I think it's illegal, but then again, a lot of illegal things just seem to occur around me. Hell, I am the _definition_ of illegal.

I saw that blonde girl Edo hangs out with. She was currently taking orders from a group of rather rowdy men. They made inappropriate gestures toward her. She ignored these signs and gave a phony smile all the way. I sat down at a little deserted table by myself. Ah, it brings back memories of the day when I flipped a lot of these tables over. I watched the blonde girl with disinterest. Now one of those guys were grabbing at her ass…

She slapped him, and not just any slap, but a bitch-slap, ouch. Now the other guys wanted to get her for slapping for whom seemed to be their boss. Four guys against one girl…that is not fair. Normally, I don't get into other people's business, because normally, I just don't _care._ But I was feeling generous today. I walked up to her and placed an arm around her shoulder, "Hey guys, back off my friend before I have to get a little psycho on you…_okay?"_ One guy tilted his head at me in confusion, "Are you guys…lesbians or something? That is _so hot…"_ I gently removed my hand from the girl and used it to punch him in the face…repeatedly, until I heard something crack and blood stained my fist…

A few minutes there was a generous amount of blood on the floor. Winry, (I finally remembered her name!), studied me warily, "Thanks…" she said. I think she was still a little miffed about me _almost_ attacking her today. "If you're still mad at me, it's okay," I told her, "cause I'm not apologizing. Next time I see you hurting chibi, it's _on."_ She pulled down on her dress and coughed, "If you're looking for Ed, I think he's in the bathroom…and…" She came up to my face, "If you try to beat up Ed again, I'll use my _whole_ toolbox on you." Oooh, wrenches, I'm _so_ scared. I flipped by hair back and placed my hand on my hip in a feminine way. I knew what this was all about.

"Listen, _Winry_, it's no secret you like the chibi. You're constantly pulling the mute girl away from him because you know he likes _her_. And you just _hate_ me because I get to touch him in ways you can only _dream_ of…" She gasped slightly before stuttering, "…Ju…just shut up, you always lie…and make things up…" I shook my head, "You know it's the truth. Just give up on Ed. Find a jock or _something_; you're not _that_ un-attractive…" And with that, I brushed past her while walking off to find my chibi.

**Meow**, got any catnip for _that _attitude? I kind of have this secret fetish for cats…meow…I must make Edo cosplay as a cat one of these days…how random of me…

I walked into the back, pushing a few girls out of my way. I asked a blue-haired girl, "Have you seen chibi? He's this tall…" I made a point to put my hand all the way to the floor, "blonde, loud…" She nodded, "He just went that way to start taking orders…" God damn, it was like a back and forth maze! I angrily stormed back out and there was the chibi.

He is soooo pretty…he really is…I'm so glad he's mine, I couldn't ask for anyone better. Just check out those _toned _legs…delicious…

"Hey o'chibi-san…" He turned around and blushed. He's been blushing a lot lately…is it me that makes him touch himself at night? It _better_ be me…

"Envy, what are you doing here? I thought you left!" I shrugged as I made my way over to him, "I decided to spend a little time with you…is that so bad?" I threw my arms around his shoulders and took in his scent of soap. My fingers ran up his skirt and he growled, "Stopitnow…" I pouted, "Fine, then I'm playing with your hair…" I ran my fingers through the corn-silk locks, "You should leave your hair down more…you make a pretty girl."

"**WHO'S SO PRETTY HE'D WIN A BEAUTY PAGENT!"**

It looks like the chibi has developed a _new_ pet peeve. Oh joy…

**XXX**

As I sat in the café and watched the chibi, I learned about a lot of things from the other girls that worked there. Basically, this was one big soap opera drama. You see, Miho, (the blue-haired girl I ran into earlier), goes out with Julia's ex-boyfriend. But Julia wants her boyfriend back, so she and Miho apparently hate each other. Bu it's rumored that Miho gives head to Mustang, (Ah, so that's the chibi boss' name!), in his office. Winry loves Edo, but Edo loves that mute girl. And this other chick, Lola, seems to have developed a crush on me. But she's suppose to be a huge slut…girls can be so petty, that's why I switched teams awhile back…plus sucking cocks seem to be much more fun…

"You can't just sit there…you have to order something," the chibi told me as I sat there and watched him frolic around in that cute little dress. I've been sitting here for five hours and no one told me a single thing. "I want a cup of o'chibi-san, steaming hot, heavy with cream and sugar…" He gave me a look of surprise, followed by a blush and ended with a glare, "Sick fuck," he muttered. "And you love it," I teased back. He was going to spaz out again when his cell phone started ringing.

He picked it up and turned his back to me, "Alu? What's up…?" I moved over until I stood in front of him. The expression on his face…it's one I'll never forget. (EnvyNote: Think classic Terrified!Edo look…heh…)

Edo nodded, "I'll be right there…" He hung up and started hyperventilating again, "Ohnonohnoohno...I need a ride, I need a-Mustang!" It just so happened that this Mustang fellow came out of his office, "What are you yelling about _now _Edward?"

"I need you to take me to the hospital…**now…!"** Mustang and I looked at each other before looking back at the chibi…what in the world was going on? Well, I'm sure as hell going to find out… (EnvyNote: I wanted to end here, but Riza's holding a gun to my head, so I'll continue…yikes.)

**XXX**

Mustang's driving could be described as fast and furious. I sat in the back with Edo. As Mustang went past the red lights, he asked, "Edward, what's going on? Is it your brother…?" The chibi shook his head, "…My mother…" he whispered. I gripped chibi by the shoulders, "Your mother? What's wrong with her Ed…tell me…" He played with the frilly fringes of his dress, "She's been sick for awhile now…Al…Alu said that she started shaking uncontrollably…she was struggling to breathe…he called 911…she can't die…"

No, she can't…

I may not have seen or spoken with Edo's mother, but I could tell. She was a loving, kind, woman, like the mothers you see on television. The kind that kissed your boo-boos and baked mouth-watering home-made treats. The kind that sang sweet songs of reassurance at night and always had a smile on her face. I could tell that if Edo lost his mother, his world would fall into pieces.

Then I did something that was out of character for me, but then again the chibi has been warping my character, unbeknownst to him. Sometimes I fear that I will lose myself completely if I get too attached to the chibi…grrrr, what's with all these thoughts? The chibi was freaking out and I had to fucking dig deep for sensitivity and use it to comfort him.

"Edo," I said in my most soothing voice, "I'm sure she'll be fine…" Edo looked at me, his eyes in a mix of worry, anger, and unbridled fear. "You don't know that, you don't understand anything…no one fucking **GETS IT!"** He was covering his ears and closing his eyes shut, trying to block me out. He was trying to a place where everything was perfect, where none of the events of reality could touch him…Elsewhere; I've been there before myself.

I leaned over and placed my long, skinny arms around his smaller, muscular frame in what would be known as a hug. I rarely received hugs because I hated it when people I did not want to touch me, touched me. But when I was younger, my only pleasant memory was receiving a hug. It was warm and gave the _illusion_ that things weren't so bad; I wished I remembered who gave me the hug…sure as hell wasn't _Dante_ or _Greed…_

"Then tell me Edo…let me understand because I _want _to…" The blonde said nothing but he did put his arms around me. We sat there in a state of false security for the rest of the ride. And I knew we had come to a sort of understanding. I think there's more to us now than my flirting and his yelling. We're going to figure out what that _thing_ is…later, of course.

_If _there is a God out there, even _if _he hates me… (Which he probably does since I called the Bible a book of lies and burned it when I was five), I prayed that he would kindly spare Edo's mother.

Praying to someone I don't believe exists? What was Edward doing to me…?

_Music to **Inerasable Sin** starts to play in the background as the scene of Envy and Ed hugging in the car fades to black. Now the chapter credits start to roll by as the screen shows Ed standing in the rain, looking into the sky with a solemn gaze. Slowly, the screen zooms in on his face which looks insanely beautiful, all wet with rain…_

_Futari was aruki-tsuzukeru Ato ni wa modorenai kara_

_Ima demo kono mune no oku Kensenai tsumi was itamu kedo Darling_

_(And together we'll keep walking because we can't go back, even now, the inerasable sin deep in my chest hurt, but Darling…) _

_Flashes of Winry, Wrath, Al, Trisha, Mustang, and Rose pass by **swiftly**, (EnvyNote: Cause I don't give two shits about the rest of them…) The pouring rain stops and Ed looks up in surprise to see that Envy is standing next to him, holding the umbrella over Edo's head, also wet with rain. _

_As Nana Kitade sings the last few lines, Edo knocks the umbrella out of Envy's hand and pulls him into a breathtaking kiss…_

_Mayowazu ni kono sadame ikiru ikiteyuku_

_Kimi to nara eien mo kitto tsunagatte_

_Futri de tada mae wo mite dou ni mo naranakutatte_

_Soredemo kanarazu kimi kono Te de mamori-tsuzukeru_

_Darling _

_(Without hesitation, I live in this destiny and live on. If I'm with you, surely we'll be connected forever and together we'll only look forward, even if nothing can be done. Nevertheless, I'll keep protecting you with my hands by all means…Darling.) _

_The rain ends and a silver lining is seen through the clouds…_

**XXX**

Greed: (looks at Envy) WHAT IN THE HELL WAS THAT ALL ABOUT!

Envy: I took creative liberties that Zana never even _began_ to dream about…it's all about the music and our show does have a kick-ass soundtrack…this song rocks…and I got to make a BBI reference, heh…

Ed: _Rewrite_ is way better. I mean, I get to look all tough and hardcore and jump off a waterfall with a rainbow!

Zana: I'd have to agree with Edo on that…

Envy and Wrath: INERASABLE SIN!

Zana and Ed: REWRITE!

Envy: (Realizing Zana is back) OMFG didn't I kill you?

Zana: …Al saved me! (Gives Al a doggy treat) Now what in the hell did you do to my chapter! (Reads over chapter…) **The hell! **

Envy: Now all the readers can understand my psycho thoughts and mood swings…and they can see that I'm not only a twisted fuck, but an Emo twisted fuck…

Zana: **ENVY YOU SCREWED EVERYTHING UP!** What do you have in mind for the next chapter…? (Envy sweatdrops)

Envy: Well… (Whispers in Zana's ear. Zana smiles and Ed gets scared…) And then we should end the chapter with another song…

Zana: …I like it…good palm tree… (Pets Envy)

Ed: Hey, he gets a whole FREAKIN' chapter in his point of view, basically torturing me! That is **not **fair!

Zana: OK, another announcement, next chapter will be in Edo's point of view. In fact, Edo's gonna write the next chapter! Get ready for AngstyConfusedAngry!Ed.

Ed: …I am so Emo… (Sits in a corner being Emo…)

Envy: (Also goes Emo)

Al: Um, please R&R, Zana lives on reviews, fun, and coffee. We can't take that risk of her not having her proper amount of reviews…

Wrath: Plus you get to see more of me! (Grins and sets his own hand on fire)

Ja ne!


	4. How Life Can Trip You Up

Zana: And we're back with chapter four! I'm so into this fic, I've stopped updating for my other ones…so after this chapter it might just take a _bit_ of time to get to the next chapter. This is why I make this chapter special and huggable. I would like to thank xXxchiixXx, (Yeah, I heart plushies!), Trigger Happy Psychopath, (Dude, I'm loving your fic as well!), Solo-Maxwell Yamato, (Thanks for the hug, I feel appreciated!), aruslym, (You rock!), and Me and My God Complex, (Cause you rock as well). I write for reviewers! Lolita Strawberry, I heart you too!

Ed: (Does a victory dance) Suck it biatches, this chapter is in MY point of view and I get to type it! (Flips)

Envy: …But Edo, you're not that _interesting…_we all know my mind is _more _interesting than yours…you don't even know what Microsoft is…

Ed: …I can learn! (Looks on computer) OHHHH! Microsoft is the program Zana uses to type things! (Feels all knowledgeable)

Zana: (Sighs) And you guys think I'm dumb…and isn't Ed suppose to be a genius? Here reviewers… (Throws Wrath to the fangirls) I made them happy! (Dances in joy)

Wrath: (Yells out a list of curse words so foul, I dare not type them…)

Envy: (Locks Zana in a cold, dark closet) Okay Edo, it's your turn to type and we'd better make out a lot…and I'd better be cool-looking in your mind! And we're so _not_ using _Rewrite_ as our end song…

Ed: **YES WE ARE DAMNIT, IT'S MY CHAPTER AND WE'RE USING REWRITE, GOT IT!**

Envy: (Has gone deaf)

Ed: (Smiles) Okay, here you guys go… (Greed mummers something) **WHAT! YOU ARE YOU CALLING SO BORING THAT IT'S MORE FUN TO WATCH GRASS GROW AND PAINT DRY! **

Greed: …WTF?

**Warnings: **Minor religion-bashing, cursing, illegal things, Ed and Envy getting closer…? Horribly bad made up lyrics…the usual…

**Drive Me Crazy **

**Chapter 4: How Life Can Trip You Up…**

_Edward's Point of View _

Envy felt…safe.

He felt warm and kind and just oh-so…_good._

It was the complete opposite of the trash-talking, teasing sarcastic bastard I was use to.

And it kind of scared me. A mood swing perhaps…?

But I didn't think much of it at the moment. All I could think about was my mother. I knew that she was going to die someday because we all die someday. It's inevitable. But still…

This is why I want to study science…in the hopes that one day I could figure out what is happening to her and cure it. It was up to me to do everything and damn it, I _will_ do everything, all by myself. I've been doing it for sixteen years and I don't plan to stop now.

Our hug ended when Mustang drove up to the Amestris Hospital. At least the fuckn' pervert was useful for _something._ My heartbeat was erratic and I felt light, _so light_. Almost like I could fly despite the heavy weight attached to me. I ran in and saw Mrs. Gracia, Mr. Hughes wife and my mother's nurse standing with Al. I ran straight them with questions, "What's going on? Is she alright? Or is she…she…" I just couldn't say the words…

Mrs. Gracia leaned over until she was at my height, (I'm NOT short, thank you very much), and looked into my eyes, "The doctors are with her right now and they have her stable…that's all we know for now…all we can do it pray…"

Pray _my ass._ Oh God, please let me use some of your holy water and sprinkle it all over my mother so that she can be healed. Bring my daddy back too while you're at it…screw religion.

Al was quiet. It looked like I had to do some big-brotherly comfort, but how in the hell could I comfort him when I was complete mess myself? I would have to try anyway. "Alu…remember that song that mom use to sing to us?" He kinda looked at me through the corner of his eye, questioning if I was going to sing it or not. I guess I will sing…I cleared my throat, _"…No matter how dark it gets…there's always a light calling for you at the end of the tunnel…"_ Al blinked slowly at me. My mission was to get a smile on his face. I flipped my loose hair back and curtsied in my dress…

I am acting _so_ fucking gay…but I'm _not_…because there's Rose…Envy is just…I don't know _yet…_

"_No matter how terrible the storm gets, think of the calm silence that will drift you away afterward…into the land of imaginings and dreams, of hope and love of splendor and wonder…" _

I see it…the beginnings of a smile trying to make its way across his face. I spun around in my French maid outfit and winked, _"No matter whaaatttt may occur just remember, I'm here for you and that will always stay true, keep you head up and never give up..." _My voice cracked when I tried to hit that high note and that had Al laughing aloud. Mrs. Gracia held a small grin on her face. At least I lifted some of my brother's worry off his shoulders…

"O'chibi-san…that was _lovely,"_ Envy drawled in the back of me. Shit, I forgot he and Mustang were still there. They would never let me live this down. I turned and Envy had a cocky, all-knowing grin on his face. Mustang was trying to look serious, but his lips kept twitching uncontrollably. Envy placed an arm around my shoulder, "You can't get any more feminine than that…a dress, singing…can you cook?"

"**WHO'S SO GIRLY HE BAKES COOKIES AND CAKES FOR FUN!" **

Everyone started to laugh at me. That is what my life consists of: people laughing at me, people calling me…_short_, and people trying to get me to drink cow piss. Now the girl thing would be added to my list. Al studied Envy before asking, "Hello…are you nii-san's friend?" I shot a glare at him. He'd better not say something that would disturb Al for the rest of his life…

"You must be the famous Alphonse…you do look a lot like your brother, consider yourself lucky…the name's Envy…" They shook hands. Wow, Envy was actually being civil… that was new…_oh fuck no…_

That fucking pussy-hunting bastard was flirting with Gracia…who was _married!_ Did he not see the damn _wedding ring!_ He is such a horny, disgusting thirty-something year old bastard!

A few minutes later, I was screaming the hell out of him while Envy and Al participated in light discussion…I hope. All chatter ended when a strict-looking doctor appeared. Envy was suddenly next to me and whispered, "Looks likes someone stuck a twenty-seven foot pole up his ass." I think that joke was his way of trying to calm my jumping nerves…too bad it didn't work…

"Are you Ms. Elric's family…?" he asked, staring at all of us. "Of course we are, we're just one, big _happy_ family worried about our mother, so cut the formality shit, _okay?" _Envy said it in a way that was disturbingly preppy. The Pole-Up-His-Ass man adjusted his glasses, "My name is Doctor Stuart and it seems Ms. Elric had suffered from a severe seizure…after we stabilized her she promptly fell into a coma…her heartbeat and breathing seems to be fine now…but we're not sure when she will wake up…_if_ she ever wakes…"

This next part shocked me…because it was just a bit weird. If Envy had _only _done it, I wouldn't have been surprised…but at that exact moment, Envy, Mustang, and Al all grabbed Doctor Stuart's shirt and yelled, "She's _going _to _fucking_ wake up!" Okay, Al did not say the _fucking_ part because curse words were not in his innocent vocabulary…and since when did _Mustang _care about me?

Dr. Stuart got the message and adjusted his frames again, "You may see her now if you like…"

I froze up because I couldn't.

I can't…

There's always been something about seeing death…seeing the sick suffering that scared the hell out of me. I did not want to see my beautiful, pleasant mother attached to an IV tube and wires down her throat. I want to remember her from how she appeared when I was a child…

The first time I had to see her in that way, I did not move or speak for two months…it fucked me up that much…

"Nii-san…it's going to be alright…" Al's warm hand was placed with my right one. How ironic, now Alu was trying to comfort _me._ An arm wrapped itself around my left arm it a pretzel lock and I knew that it was Envy.

I **can **do this.

**XXX (About 2 Hours Later…11:33pm) **

"**EDWARD IS STAYING WITH ME!"**

"**O'CHIBI-SAN _OBVIOUSLY_ LIKES ME MORE! YOU'D PROBABLY END UP RAPING HIM!" **

"**AND YOU _WOULDN'T!" _**

"**AT LEAST I KNOW HE WOULD _ENJOY_ IT PEDOPHILE!" **

"**LOOK WHO'S TALKING PALM TREE!" **

It feels very nice to be argued over and all, but this was getting ridiculous. So I interjected, "…I have my own place you know…"

Both Mustang and Envy looked at me. "Edward, you cannot honestly stay by yourself, at least not for tonight…you might be _emotionally _unstable…" In other words, they're convinced I'm suicidal. Great.

"Edward can stay with my husband and I," Mrs. Gracia said. Mustang snapped his fingers, "Damn, she's married…" **"I JUST TOLD YOU THAT AWHILE AGO, WEREN'T YOU LISTENING?"** I yelled. Envy shoved Mustang out of the way and grinned, "So you'll be staying with me, yes? I'm sure little Al and Wrath can get along…" Al nodded, blushing slightly. This was just too much, **"I'M NOT SOME LITTLE KID THAT NEEDS PROTECTION AND IF I WAS SUICIDAL, I WOULD HAVE KILLED MYSELF A _LONG_ TIME AGO, SO CAN EVERYONE JUST LEAVE ME AND AL ALO-" **

Envy kissed me.

Like, right in front of my little brother and Mrs. Gracia…

Oh shit…Al's going to hate me…

It wasn't a _lusty_ kiss, just a Shut-The-Hell-Up-And-Listen Kiss. Quick, rough and satisfying. "No one called you a child; it would just make _me_ feel better if you were to have some company for awhile…you've been through a lot in the past few hours, ne?" He made it sound final, plus his eyes were like…_glowing,_ so I nodded, "Fine…just for tonight..." He made a victory "V" hand-sign in Mustang's face. Mustang sulked…I hope that bastard did not _really _like in the way he _act _like he does…because then I'm calling the cops…

"Nii-san, you _go out_ with Envy-san?" Al asked me with curiosity. "…Ah…it's a _long _story, and I'm beat, aren't you? Maybe some other time! Hey Mustang, take us to Envy's and give Mrs. Gracia a ride home, k?"

"Do I look like a chauffeur?" he muttered, getting into his car and starting it up. Even though my mother was in a coma…the freaking-out wasn't as bad as it was last time…because I know…she _will_ get better and then I'll find a cure…then we'll all be a family again…

I agree, it's a little far-fetched, cheesy and hopeful-sounding…but it's what I _feel._ I can even hear her singing now…

"_No matter how terrible the storm gets, think of the calm silence that will drift you away afterward…into the land of imaginings and dreams, of hope and love of splendor and wonder…" _

**XXXX**

**Three-Day Vacation, Day 1 (Also Know as Suspension!) **

**XXXX**

Something strangely warm was licking my mouth. I pushed whatever it was away and continued to sleep. But the warm licking returned. "Stopitrightnow," I murmured, my hands doing something with the bed sheets… the licking now moved down to my stomach and I jumped up, **"I SAID STOPIT ENVY!" **To my surprise, it was a cat. A fluffy, white and grey cat. It meow-ed before jumping off the bed and running off. I looked around and then I remembered that I was at Envy's house…in Envy's bed. But his body was not there anymore. There was just a little stick-it note. I picked it up.

_Edo, _

_I went out with Wrath and Al. Why you may ask? It's a surprise. Don't worry; I'll make sure your darling brother returns safely and all virgin-tized as you like him. Mi casa es su casa, do whatever you want. Be back soon. _

_Your Beloved Psycho, Envy _

I wonder what kind of surprise he's talking about. And since when did he speak Spanish? I rested my head back on Envy's pillow and studied his room some more. It was very interesting to say the least…

There was game stations splattered across the floor along with some discarded clothing. There was a bright yellow beanie chair sitting in the left corner. Cigarette boxes and pills were all over the place as well. It's so…weird. I'm a goody-goody, nerdy, neat-freak and Envy is a psychotic palm tree dreg. And here I was in his room. My hardships meeting his chaos. I kind of like it.

I picked up one of the cigarette boxes and pulled one out. Surprise, surprise, there was a lighter nearby. I lit the thing up in the way I saw them do it in the movies, all sophisticated like. My body was willing me to do this, but my mind scolded, _"Edward, haven't you watched those movies in health class? Any illegal substance or cigarette is EVIL. Put down that cancer stick!" _**"But Envy does it all the time…" **the other part, the willing part of my mind chimed. _"EXACTLY, EDWARD DO YOU WANT TO BE LIKE ENVY?" _**"Shut the fuck up, it's only one smoke, it's not like he'll get instantly hooked…" **

I was feeling nice toward the willing part. I took the cancer stick into my mouth and inhaled…

**Ack…!**

I dropped the caner stick and started coughing. My throat burned like hell and my eyes were burning and watering...how could smokers stand it! I needed water…water, water, water! I'm _meeellllting... _

I spotted a few bottles of some type of beverage beneath Envy's bed. I quickly grabbed a can and started to drink. The liquid tasted awful, but I kept on drinking anyway. My throat still twanged with pain, so I took another can…and another can and another can until the burning stopped.

A few minutes later, everything felt light. This was new…all very new…

Whoa…now it's blurry…

**XXX**

Ed: …See, I can _so _write an interesting chapter! Wait…what did I do to myself?

Envy: It's over already? That was short…like YOU! (Laughs and Ed transmutes arm into auto-mail blade…Envy stops…)

Zana: Of course it's not over, Rewrite didn't even show up!

Envy: **Didn't I freaking lock you up!**

Zana: (Points to Al and Envy glares) Anyway, I'm taking over this chapter now…time for the fun to really begin…

Ed: …ENVY GETS A WHOLE FUCKING CHAPTER IN HIS POINT OF VIEW AND I ONLY GET HALF A CHAPTER? THAT IS BULL- (Gets thrown the reviewers again) …NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Zana: On with the show!

**XXX**

The Tuesday morning was crisp, fresh, and warm. A blonde, a dark-haired child and a palm tree were seen walking down the sidewalk. The palm tree carried two large bags in his capable hands. "I wish Ed was my older brother," Wrath announced as the trio neared the Envy house hold. The last name of this family was still a mystery…did they even have last names? Envy rolled his eyes, "And I wish Dante would give you up to an _animal shelter_, but we can't all get what we want, ne?"

"Envy-san, why do you have dog leashes on us?" Al asked. A black collar surrounded both of the thirteen year old's necks and connected to a leash that Envy held. "…Because I can't afford you two getting lost. People would get pissed off at me…"

"You're such a prick," Wrath murmured. "Thanks, I love you too _retard…" _Al did not understand their relationship. Sure, he and his brother fought sometimes, but not as often as this and they never used such foul language either. _Maybe this is why Wrath looks so sad in school…well, from now on, I'm going to be the best friend I can be to him! _

"Don't call me retarded you _fat fuck!"_ "Do I _look_ fat to you? You must be stupid _and_ blind…**_Moofy…"_** Al looked over at Wrath, "…_Moofy?"_ Wrath bared his teeth and started biting on the dog leash until it broke. **"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU…_HOJU!" _ **Al blinked again, "…_Hoju?"_ Wrath tackled Envy to the sidewalk and the two brothers started beating the crap out of each other. Al caught the bags that flew in mid-air.

_I think…this is their way of showing they like each other on the inside…_he decided. And if not…they needed some family counseling…

_Thirty Minutes Later…_ (A/N: Moofy! Kawaii! And I apologize for my probably incorrect drug usage…I'm not an expert in that area…)

Envy opened the door to his house, feeling more or less annoyed. But Edo's scowling face should make him feel so much better. But Envy did not return to see a scowling Ed.

As soon as he opened the door, Ed practically flopped on him and they two fell onto the floor. Ed was wearing nothing but a silky pink nightdress; one that he knew belonged to Dante. His golden hair was slightly messy and his eyes were nothing but a glazed golden hue. "Ennnnvyyyy," he slurred, "make looovee to meeee, baabbby…" Ed then sloppily kissed Envy. The kiss was more like a smooch, to be exact. The chibi tasted strongly of alcohol and tobacco, two objects that could be found in his room. Envy initiated the end of the smooch, "Chibi, have your been messing with my _stuff?" _Ed giggled and leaned forward, "Chain me to your bed…I promise I'll be good…" You don't know **how** much Envy wanted to do just that. But that would be _wrong_…plus, Al was there…and that thing called Wrath…

"Nii-san, are you _drunk!"_ the younger Elric squawked. "…Alu…you're soooo pretttyyy…someone screw me, I'm tired of being a virgin!" Ed growled and grabbed both of Envy's wrists, "…Come on, take me, you knoooow you want this…" The chibi started biting on Envy's neck, hand slipping down the taller teen's Happy Bunny pajama bottoms…

_Resist the cute chibi, resist the cute chibi, resist the cute chibi…gah…! Who can resist the cute chibi!_

Envy could not move at all as the cute chibi tongued him languidly while rubbing on the growing bulge in his pants…who knew Ed was secretly an expert when drunk?

"Wrath-san, DON'T!" Al cried but Wrath lifted the frying pan high into the air before slamming it on Edward's head. The chibi promptly passed out. Al suffered from a heart attack, also passing out.

"**WRATHHHHHHHHHHHYOUMOTHERFUCKINGSONOFABITCHCUNTDRINKINGGOODFORNOTHINGDUMBASSFUCKSHIT!" **

**XxXxXxXxXx**

After the initial throwing up, bitching, moaning, and blushing, Ed took a shower and borrowed a black T-shirt with black jeans from Envy since his job uniform was out of the question. Now he sat in the living room, which held a Victorian feel to it, re-braiding his loose hair. He hated his hair when it was down and yet refused to cut it. A truly paradoxal situation. _I can't believe I did all that…now Envy is going to think that I really **want **him…that is the last time I do anything stupid like that…I am such an idiot…_

"Feeling better o'chibi-san? Any loose screws in the head? Wrath did hit you pretty hard…" Ed pouted, "I feel just fine…" He secured his braid with a red rubber band before tossing it to its rightful place on the back of his neck. "And listen, just because I did _things_ to you when I was drunk, doesn't mean _anything_, okay?" "…So _I_ don't…mean anything to you?" Ed made himself face Envy who sat next to him on the couch. The emerald-haired teen had his hair in a sort of high ponytail, the famous headband he normally wore missing from action. There was fading bruises from the time he smashed Envy's head against the wall. A simple, light brown shirt hung off his rather thin figure, revealing both of his pale, white shoulders. Light purple eyes watched with and unreadable expression.

Ed suddenly had this urge to just touch his face.

"I didn't mean it in that way…I mean…you're the first person that wasn't a _girl_ that liked me for me…Winry has always been my friend…I never thought that she was 'cute' or anything…then Rose came and I really like Rose…then _you _came and confused me…"

Envy was now rubbing a sensitive spot on Ed's back. It felt good.

"…How do I confuse you…?" Ed made a small noise, "Lower…right there…yeah…you're bipolar…one minute you're smacking me up and the next you're cuddling all over me…and you're another guy…"

"Well," Envy started, "all I can tell you is stop thinking about what other people think…fuck them. Just do what you want to do…and the next time you're drunk and you make out with me, make sure you finish what your doing, it's not as fun taking care of it _yourself…"_

Golden eyes widened in realization, "ENVY GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME!"

"I washed them chibi…oh, oh, c'mon I still have to give you your surprise, and it might be cold by now!" He grabbed Ed's hand and guided him toward the kitchen. It was all white and had a painting of a woman in it. Ed stopped and studied the painting as Envy dug inside the refrigerator. It was of a woman with neck length dark hair and pretty light purple eyes. A cruel smiled smile played along her lips. Her eyes seemed to have the ability to stare into the soul. "…Who is this Envy…?"

"Dante…the mother of the year, ne?" The sarcasm was obvious. "…So I guess you and her don't get along…" Envy shrugged, "As you can tell, I don't really care much for my family…here you go!" Ed was handed a brown paper bag and he peeked inside of it. Golden eyes instantly lit up, "Cinnamon buns with frosting on them, I love these things!" Ed dug into the bag and pulled out one, instantly munching on it with content pleasure. "Mmmmmm, I think I'm in heaven…thanks Envy..."

Ed was caught by surprise when the taller teen swooped over and captured his lips in a kiss. Envy savored the flavor of the white icing, lapping it up the way a kitten would all over the blonde's lips. Ed took a sharp intake of breath. Envy smelled like smoke and sweetness all the same time and it was a bit intoxicating.

"…Stop making out with in the kitchen, I eat here," Wrath stated bluntly, lagging around ice which he held to his left eye. Envy did lay quite a beating on the younger boy. Al followed and this time crossed his arms, "Nii-san, Envy-san is your boyfriend, isn't he? But I thought you liked Rose-san…and Winry-san…nii-san, are you a PIMP?"

"NO AL! I mean, Envy isn't my…you know…" "Nii-san, I'm not a little kid, don't lie to me…" **"BUT IT'S THE TRUTH AL!"** The younger Elric brother just would not take it. "When you're ready to tell me the truth nii-san, talk to me." With that, Al turned and left the kitchen. But before he could completely leave, another entered.

It was a woman with dark hair and light purple eyes, wearing a rather somber yet elegant dark dress. Her eyes narrowed toward Envy then Ed.

"Envy…who in the world it _that?_ Another whore of yours?"

_Music to **Rewrite** starts to fade as the scene in the kitchen fades to black. The chapter credits roll by as it shows a picture of a solemn Envy standing at a street corner, lighting a joint. He wears a large set of earphones and is silently bopping to the beat of whatever is playing. _

_Jishiki kajou no boku no mado ni wa, kyonen no KARENDAA hidzuke ga nai yo…_

_(In the window of the excessively self conscious me, there are no dates in last year's calendar.) _

_Envy is now walking down the street, watching as little kids run around, playing tag. He watches as others move on with their daily lives, but he is moving in slow motion. He is crossing the street and a car runs over him. _

_Keshite RIRAITO shite, kudaranai chou gensou wasurarenu sonzai kan o kishikaisei RIRAITO shite, imi no nai mousou mo kimi o nasu dendouryoku zanshin zanrei o kure yo…_

_(Erase and rewrite, the pointless ultra-fantasy, Revive, the unforgettable sense of being, rewrite, the meaningless imagination, the driving force that creates you, give it your whole body and soul…) _

_Envy wakes up to find that him getting hit by a car is all a dream. He covers himself up in his blankets and thoughts of Ed causes a small smile to creep onto his face. The camera zooms towards the window and into the clear sky where the half moon is shining clearly. _

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Zana: Awwwwww, wasn't that cute your guys?

Envy: …NO.

Zana: I left you guys off with a cliffy! Kinda…who is that woman? (You should know…) What will she do? We'll get to see why Envy hates her so much…coming up next chapter: The Second and Third day of suspension, filled with some things, including visiting Ed's mom….then back to school where "pleasant" surprises await our heroes! To tell the truth, I think this was a little rushed…might have to fix this up later… (Sighs)

Ed: **HAHAH, IN YOUR FACE ENVY, WE USED REWRITE!** (High fives Zana)

Envy: **NEXT CHAPTER WE'RE USING MELISSA!**

Ed: **READY STEADY GO! **

Envy: **MELISSA!**

Zana…I kinda like both… (Sighs) If anyone is curious about where I get the lyrics, send me a message and I'll be more than happy to give them to ya. Well, I got a lotta crap to do and updating, I'll catch you all next chapter!

Wrath: Read and Review because I'm more adorable than AL!

Al: NO FAIR! (Both get into a dust cloud fight)

Ja ne!


	5. And Take You By Surprise

Zana: (Dances) Another chapter! And I would like to thank all of the reviewers because you guys rock hard! So thanks taco of doom, (Yeah, I get my lyrics off of heh), Me And My God Complex, (Dante is a hag…xD), razatip, (Yes, we need more drunk Edo and closeness, lol), Solo Maxwell-Yamato, (Alter!Series Moofy and Hoju does rock, thanks for the love!) Shu-Chan77901, (Here's more!), xXxchiixXx, (Thanks for the Edo plushie, I love it! For another chappie, I should get the video free, ne? Equivalent Exchange?), Nikiou, (I apologize so much for your mother and I will keep her in my prayers…I'm still glad you like my little ficcy xD), xxDream Theaterxx, (I thank you for the review, it made me smile), Reemii, (Your words made me smile, much luff back!), and Lolita Strawberry, (Much luff to ya, you rock!) shy7cat, (I'm glad _you_ think they're IC…thanks for making me smile!)

Ed…That was a waste of time, so what do you have planned now, you evil authoress you! (Pokes)

Zana: …This… (Tosses FrenchMaid!Edo to reviews) Enjoy!

Envy: Ne, ne, (tugs on Zana's sleeve) Can it be in my point of view again?

Zana: Perhaps…I have special things planned for THIS one…and I'm working on a new Edvy story, so look out for that in the future! Well, here's the chapter! There's gonna be a bit of angst and humor…**PREPARE FOR CRAZY EDO!** You have been punk'd…er…warned.

Wrath: (Does a flip) Roll the episode! Er…chapter!

**Drive Me Crazy **

**Chapter 5: And Take You By Surprise **

The scene in the kitchen suddenly hushed with silence. Ed blinked dumbly at the woman, while Envy clutched his fists together. Al moved over to the nearest corner. Dante, Envy's mother, spoke again, "I said-" "I **heard** you, you godamned **bitch **and don't go calling Ed a whore!" Dante crossed her arms gracefully and shook her head, "Envy, I honestly don't care. But I do want to see these two boys _out _of my house…immediately."

Envy was in, "You've Pissed Me Now," mode as he rushed toward Dante, obviously bent on bashing her face in. Dante shockingly stopped his fist with one hand before making a fist around it. With one fluid motion, the petite woman twisted Envy's hand, making him sink on his knees to the floor. "Envy…you're not as invincible as you think…you're _weak…" _The same cruel smile Ed saw in her painting was now evident on her lips. "…You…fucking…bitch, _I hate you!"_ This caused Dante to give Envy a slap on the face while she was at it, "Don't curse at me young man…you're _such_ a bad influence on Wrath…" Envy made a small sound.

Ed wasn't really think when he did what he did the next minute. All he thought about was getting Envy away from that _insane_ lady. So he pushed Dante away, separating her from Envy who now grabbed his wrist in relief. Ed then faced her, "I'm sorry, but you just _shouldn't_ do that, you could have hurt him…Al and I will leave if you don't want us here…just leave Envy alone…"

Dane pursed her lips in dislike, "Very well then…" Envy recovered from his trauma, "O'chibi-san, don't listen to that hag, stay with me…" Ed shook his head softly, "I'll be fine, I promise…ok? C'mon Al, let's get going…" Envy grabbed Ed's arm, "Fine, but you're not leaving me without one more kiss…"

Ed blushed, _"EN-VY_…hmmph!" Once those soft lips met with his, he was rendered speechless. _Oh…Envy can really kiss…I can get use to this…ack! I am so confused…I need a therapist…_

Dante sniffed in annoyance and walked away. Envy moved away from Ed's lips and rested his head on a shoulder while whispering into the blonde's ear, "We're gonna hang out tomorrow, Mmmk?" Ed felt flustered, "…Uh-huh…" Al walked over to Wrath, "...I'll see you in school tomorrow Wrath-san, okay?" He then brightly smiled at the boy who offered a shy smile back. (A/N: AlxWrath hints…will they be a couple or not? Hmmm…)

**XXX **

_Edward's Point of View_ (A/N: …Ed forced me…I swear he did…)

**XXX**

**Three Day Vacation, Day 2 (Also Known as Suspension!) **

Do you ever have those sleeps when you know you're dreaming, but you just don't know what the dream is? Yeah, that was going on with me, but that was fine because I never really had _dreams_, just nightmares that fucked me up. So here I was, dreaming my dreamless dreams when I heard Alu call me. At first, I tried ignoring him, but his voice got louder.

"Nii-san, if you don't get up right this minute…I'll find another stray cat that'll attack you…remember _Chewy?" _

At that moment, I shot out of bed because Chewy was one _scary_-ass cat. But Al and Mom liked it, so they kept it. Then it died. **Everything** fucking dies on me…ok, back to _happy thoughts!_ Al stood in front of me, all dressed for school. I blinked, trying to get the sleep outta my head. "…Al, you're not going to school…"

He crossed his arms, "…Yes I am…I'm not suspended like _you_ are…plus, I have a test today. Oh, and Mustang-san is giving you a vacation and he promises not to take the money out of your check…" I still felt sleepy, so I moaned, "…Allllluuuu, you can't go to schoooool, you're not _emotionally _stable…" I wrapped my arms around him and he glared down at me, "…Nii-san, _you're_ the not stable one. I'm fine, I really am. Now, I made you breakfast and it's in the microwave. And I think I finally figured things out."

I blinked my hazy golden eyes, "…Figured what out?" Al smirked, which was very unlike my brother, "Winry is just a friend to you. You claim you like Rose, but if you _really_ did, you would have done _something_ by now. You're just using Rose as an excuse for your hidden feelings about Envy…okay, I'm gonna go to school now behave and bye!" Al left before I could give him the _proper _spazzing-yelling-fit-o'doom.

What he said was all a complete LIE…okay, I'm Winry's friend and I really do like Rose…

"_AND you like ENVY you retard, stop being in denial, you're smarter than that…"_ My inner voice scolded. I glared at my inner voice, but then I realized I couldn't glare at it because it did not really exist…

Oh no…I swear I'm finally losing it.

Thinking about Envy and the drama gave me an incredible headache. At the moment, I just wanted to sleep for a long time and continue having my dreamless dreams.

Yeah, it sounds suicidal…BUT I'M NOT!

Okay…maybe I slightly am? NO I'M NOT, GAH!

Yeah, I was depressing myself further so I finally hauled myself out of bed and made my way downstairs. I love Al…so VERY much, (But not in the incestuous way, EW), but because his cooking is to die for…and he made me breakfast…and he's more mature and so well put together than me. I envy Al. ACK, there goes HIS name again…ENVY! WHY COULDN'T IT BE…THOMAS OR BOB?

Ok, those are crappy names anyway…I like my name though…

I just noticed something. His name is Envy…his brother's name is Wrath…his dad's name is Greed and his aunt's name is Lust…I sense a Seven Deadly Sins theme going on here. I just fully noticed this now.

I am a dumbass who's going crazy. Does anyone else wanna come with me?

…I thought so… (Insert More Instant-Crazy-Randomness Here)

So I get downstairs, still in my light blue boxers. It's cool down here and I'm guessing Al cranked on the air conditioning, just for me. You see why I LOVE Al? I stumbled my way into the kitchen and opened the microwave. Inside was a still-warm plate of eggs, bacon, toast and some pancakes. Let me tell you all now, I LOVE pancakes. I am a pancake fiend. Touch my pancakes and you die _bee-yotch._

So I happily pull out all my food and head over to the table. And then on the table…was a cup of milk. There was a stick-it note attached to it. I picked it up and read it:

_Nii-san, you're short. Drink and get some calcium in those bones and get taller. Don't spaz out or throw the milk away. Love you! _

_Your Brother, Al_

I growled and threw the cup into the sink. Never. I will NEVER drink that disgusting, vile, horrendous, cow-piss, gross, white SUBSTANCE! I looked in the refrigerator and found orange juice. Ah, thank goodness for orange juice…

"Hey o'chibi-san, are you going to share with meeeee?" I kind of froze and then turned around. Guess who it was folks? If you guessed Envy, you win a prize! No, not really…stupid asses…excuse my rudeness…

It was Envy in all of his…**WTF! **

He was wearing a fucking **MINI-SKIRT** and a fucking…**_SPORTS BRA TOP!_** Did he run out of guy clothes or something!

He did have a nice yoga-toned abs going on there…maybe with a little whipped cream and some licking…

**ACK!** I need help! Do you not seeeee? I have lost it, I have totally LOST IT! I've gone and turned perverted…_ON ENVY_ no less! So I asked, **"…HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE AND WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE WEARING!" **

He shrugged and looked down, "Do I not look fuckable in this? I'm sure I do, I turned a lotta heads walking down the street…" Then he sauntered over and picked up a strip of bacon and started munching down on it. He used my fork and placed some eggs in his mouth as well. "Tell your little brother I love this food…so yummy and light…cute boxers by the way, _meow…" _

I snatched my plate and fork away from him. I'll be damned if I let him eat MY pancakes. "You still didn't tell me how you got IN…" Envy licked his fingertips, "Oh, Al let me in as he went off to school…Greed's giving him and Wrath a ride…" I started to shove food into my mouth. Maybe that would get my brain working normally again. Yeah, the lack of food must be the source of my insanity…

But it turns out, I could only finish my pancakes. I gave the rest to Envy, whole swallowed everything quickly.

_I wonder if he SWALLOWS or SPITS…bet he's a SWALLOWER… (_A/N: I don't spit, I swallow…twisted little joke from school...heh…)

Ack…I did NOT just think that…what in the HELL is wrong with me!

I can see myself talking to a therapist now…

Therapist: So Edward, why are you here?

Me: Um, let's see…I hate milk, I'm obsessed with pancakes, my mother's in a coma, my dad ran away…oh, and I'm having sexual thoughts on a palm tree when I SHOULD be liking non-palm trees like Rose…and my brother is friends with the palm-tree's little brother named after a deadly sin that sets things on fire…and how could I forget! I get molested at work by my boss who forces me to wear a godamned French maid outfit!

Therapist: (Smiles) And how does that make you feel?

Me: Nervous, scared, depressed, horny, and apparently psychotic.

Therapist: We'll start you on Prozac and if that doesn't work, we'll just lock you up, ok?

Me: …Sure, why the fuck not?

Yeah…I'm having imaginary conversations in my head. Envy waved his hand in the front of my face, "Helllooo? Chibi-san, are you in there?" I snapped myself back to reality, "…Why are you here again?" Envy huffed and placed his hands on his hips, "I told you yesterday after Dante so rudely kicked you out that we would hang out today! Your other little friends are at school anyway…"

That was true. Speaking of Dante…

We walked over to the living room and took seats on the big purple couch. Envy crossed his legs in a girl-ish manner. "…Envy…do you and Dante always…fight like that?" I'm guessing I said the wrong thing cause Envy's happy-face disappeared. NOOOOOOO, I WANT THE HAPPY FACE AGAIN! When he's not happy, it's ugly…not that he's ugly…he's hot…ack, what am I saying!

"…It doesn't matter Edo…she's not home much, but when she is. We get into a spat or two. I remember the time I pushed her down the steps and she broke her damn leg…good times, good times…" A smile of reminiscence returned to his face. I twitched.

I think Envy and I can both take therapy together…

"Um…ok…" (Cue the Long, Awkward Silence…)

…Fifteen minutes have passed. I'm sitting there, staring at the floor and I am looking at my nails…Envy stood up and had a look of fierce determination on his face. "O'chibi-san, I thought of a deal for us!" My jaw dropped. What in the hell was he talking about now!

"A deal…?" I asked. He nodded happily and he reminded me of a little kid that just got his new toy. "Yah, I decided that I'll stop molesting you _every _second, but in return you have to at least _consider _being with me…'kay? I'll give you space to 'explore your sexuality' like Greed said I should!" Whoa…that was random and fair…but…wait…

"Hey, I don't need to 'explore' _anything_, I'm straight, I like girls, and I think they're _pretty!"_ Envy twirled a lock of palm-treeish hair, "Yawn, so do I at times chibi. Once your stop being in denial, then maybe we can get farther. I decided that raping you wouldn't be fun…you'd cry too much."

Ok…HE WAS ACTUALLY PLANNING TO RAPE ME!

WHY WOULD I CONSIDER ANYTHING WITH A BI-POLAR RAPIST PALM TREE!

"_Because you just so happen to be attracted to him, like everyone else in the entire world had been telling you!" _The voice in my head yells. I ignore it.

"And if you're so hung up on the girl thing…" Envy took my hands and placed it on his chest, "Pretend I have boobs…"

Uh…THERE'S NOTHING TO GRAB! Hello, transvestite much? Well…I shouldn't be talking with my French maid outfit and all…gender is confusing…

I pulled my hands away and blushed, "Envy…just _stop it_, okay? I'm going to go to sleep…" Envy grabbed my head and forced it on his lap, "Sleep right here, people told me I'm a good pillow, ne?"

He actually was…his lap was all soft and…I don't know…sleepable? So I closed my eyes and dreamed. This time there were pictures and I saw my mother…

XXX

I killed her.

I was in the hospital. I was the one that unplugged her whatever-it-was that was keeping her alive.

I was the one who smiled maliciously as I watched her chest stop rising up and down.

I was the one who woke up screaming.

My face was wet and I knew that I had been crying in my sleep again. Envy grabbed me by the shoulders, "Edo!"

It's just a nightmare…just a nightmare…

My heartbeat started to return to its regular pace. Envy pulled me into his chest and gave me another hug. I liked the way our bodies kinda fit together when we hugged. I felt so tired.

Tired of being depressed.

Tired of being insane…

Then I heard a _snap _in my head. The same snap I heard when I started to attack Envy and bash his head in that way…time for anxiety attack number two…my sanity's shutting down…

It's dark…

XXX

_Envy's Point of View_

XXX

_Okayyy…_

First the chibi was all…normal…then he was all like 'RAWR' and now he's all _quiet _and _still_. It's making me worry…so I poke at his nose, "O'chibi-san…are you there?" His left eye twitches and I poke him again, "Stop is Ed, this is not entertaining…"

I see his fists clench and then he ran out of my grasp and into the kitchen. I got up and followed him because I still knew that I was dealing with an unbalanced chibi. When I got there, he was already throwing whatever he could get his hands on, on the floor. Cereal boxes, forks and spoons. His voice sounded like something between crying and screaming, but no tears ran down his face.

"Ed…!" I slowly approached him, but he glared up and reached at the knife rack for a big butcher one.

Shit, damn, fuck it all to hell…

"S…s…stay…away…from…me…" he said shakily, holding the knife o' doom out for a shield. "…Ed put the knife down…being crazy time is now over…put the knife _down…"_

"**I SAID MOVE BACK YOU BASTARD!" **Without warning he ran toward me, but I slid over the side, barely escaping his weapon. His arm was positioned to try again, but I grabbed his wrist and twisted it behind his back, rendering him knifeless, as he dropped the aforementioned tool.

I win! See? Ed is NOT a better fighter than me…back to more important matters…

"…I wish I were Al…"

He said it so inaudibly, I almost didn't catch it.

"…I wish I could be more like him…"

Then he closed his eyes and his body sagged like a rag doll. "I'm sorry Envy…it happened again…"

I picked him up and carried him all the way up to his room and placed him down on his bed, "…Stay right there and get some rest while I fix up your mess…"

Edo sat up, "…No. It's my responsibility…I'll…"

I shook my head, "Ah, ah…anything for my bi-polar chibi…guess my personality is rubbing off on you!" He smirked and laid back down, "Whatever you say…slave of mine…"

Then he had the nerve to wave his hand like I was inferior to him! When the chibi was feeling better, I _will_ kick his ass…

XXX

Wrath was ahead of Al as the two decided to walk home from school. It was the better choice since Greed had two dominatrix-looking girls in the backseat when he came to pick them up. Wrath turned around, "Al, what are you doing?"

The younger Elric came out of a store with a bag. A colorful bouquet stuck out as well. "I bought nii-san some fresh basked brownies and flowers to make him feel better…I've been so worried about him lately…" Wrath looked in surprise. He would NEVER get Envy anything or treat him so nicely. But then again, Envy was an asshole of an older brother.

Envy also looked in surprise because of the way Al's cheeks were all red and the way his smile was so bright made his heart do weird things. "C'mon Wrath, we're almost there…" The boy erased his previous thoughts, "Right…" Al used his keys to open the door.

…And Wrath started laughing uncontrollably.

Envy was in a yellow, bright apron with pretty frills and lace. And he was vacuuming! Wrath pointed and snickered, "You look like even MORE of a girl with your mini-skirt!"

"It's a _skort_ fucktard," Envy corrected before throwing a wet rag at Wrath's head. Al sweatdropped, "That's our mother's apron…it looks nice on you. Where's nii-san?" Envy pointed up, "He had some _issues _today, but now he's upstairs being a spoiled little bitch…" Al sweatdropped again and smiled, "…I'll go and check on him…"

XXX

_Edward's Point of View_

XXX

I've decided to hide my inner anguish and pain by acting happy.

Because my nervous breakdowns and insanity isn't helping me all that much. But you're naked without a smile!

I heard footsteps and saw Al come through my door with a bag. He placed the bag on a table and rushed over to hug me, "Envy-san said you were having issues…are you alright now?" I smiled and nodded, "Yeah Al, I just needed to get all of my angsting out…so…what's in the bag? I smell chocolate..." Al passed me the bag.

SCORE! I got brownies!

And…flowers?

"Alu, you're so nice to me!" I wailed, glomping him with lots of brotherly love. "Of course nii-san, I love you…" he replied matter-of-factly.

_Flash! _

What in the hell…?

"**SURPRISE! HI ED!" **

It was Winry…with a camera. And Rose…

Wait…I was still in my boxers…

OMFGWTFLOLBBQ!

There was no way to prevent the blush that formed on my cheeks as I used the bed sheets to cover me…funny, I never felt uncomfortable around Envy in my boxers…

Winry was still gushing, "Brother moments are so cute…" She started taking more and more pictures of me with her stupid camera. "Stop it!" I growled. Rose was crossing her arms, with a stern expression on her face, as if she wanted to reprimand Winry for being bad or something. Winry put away her camera and looked apologetic, "…Edward, we should all visit your mother in the hospital tomorrow…together…" She was twiddling her fingers and pouting. Amazing, she had the ability to be… (Insert Shudder) _cute! _

Then she had to ruin it by slapping me on the back, "I can't wait until you get back to school, a lot of things are going on!"

School. Right…I had one more day of suspension before I had to go back _there…_

Winry leaned closer to me, "…So why is…_you know who here_?" I pushed her away from me, "If you mean Envy, get use to it…he's my…muh…_friend _now…" Damn, that felt weird saying. The next minute, I was being tackled by a whirlwind of yellow-apron palm-tree-ness. Envy's face was nuzzling my neck, "Awww, aren't you the sweet one!"

Once you get past that psycho-violent exterior, there is a sweet-psycho interior…is that even a difference! Oh yes there is…I don't die with the violent personality…

Winry glared at Envy who smirked back. Winry's camera rolled near my door where Wrath stood watching everything. He picked it up and snapped a picture just in time to capture Winry lounging toward Envy in order to rip his hair off. I held an expression of panic and Al fell on top of Rose…

What a Kodak moment _indeed…_

XXX

**Three Day Vacation, Day 3 (Also Known as Suspension!) **

The group of Edward, Envy, Al, Wrath, Winry, and Rose were all morose after visiting the hospital. The doctor still said there were no signs of improvement yet and Envy had squeezed Ed's hand in support, Al squeezing the other. Ed was still using the whole, 'happy,' method as a way to deal with things, "Why don't we all do something fun?"

"Fun like what?" Rose signed. Ed thought and snapped his fingers, "The park! It's been ages since we went there, right Al? It's not far form here and I bet the sprinklers are on which means…" He wriggled his eyebrows suggestively toward Envy who smirked, "We can get wet…"

The sound of getting wet was a pleasant idea to the group, since it was in the mid-nineties today. "What are we waiting for? Let's go!" Envy ran ahead in a child-like way, ignoring the fact that he was forcing cars in the street to skid to dangerous halts in order to avoid hitting him. Envy just wanted to see his chibi wet!

Minutes later, Envy was scaring all the little kids out of the park with his scary face, which was _quite _terrifying. Wrath was pushing Al on the swings. A concerned parent walked up to Envy with her crying son.

"My little Michael says that you told him lies about how he's going to hell!" Her face was red with anger and her blue eyes blazed. "…An…And he sai…said…Daddy's gonna touch me in my private places!" Michael wailed. Envy crouched down to the kid and whispered something else. The little boy's eyes widened and he ran out of the park, screaming for his life. "Baby, wait!" the mother shouted, chasing after her son.

Ed walked up beside him, "…What did you tell him!" Envy played with his hair, "Maa…something even _I'm_ frighten about and wish I never heard…" Ed twitched. "Now march your cute little ass over to those sprinklers and get wet…" Ed wagged a finger, "You promised not to molest me until I figured things out!" "…So you're _admitting _you have things to figure out, ne?" The blonde head looked away and blushed, quickly changing the subject, "I'm going into the water now, catch me if you can Envy!" As Ed ran away laughing, with Envy chasing, the music to _**Hagane no Kokoro** _starts to play and the scene fades to black… (Hagane no Kokoro- FullMetal Spirit or Heart)

_It starts out showing Ed, Al, and Envy walking down the street. Ed's snapping his fingers to music that he's listening to on his headphones. He starts to sing. _

_Ed: Torimodoshite miseru tsukamu no sa kono te de hohoemi to namida no ato wo…(I'll show you how I will take back what's mine and grasp it in these hands after laughter and tears…) _

_Al snatches Ed's headphones and starts to sing the next part. Ed looks slightly annoyed, but starts shaking his hips anyway. _

_Al: Wakatte'ru sono kimochi dakara shinpai nanda isshou da yo don'na toki demo… (I understand those feelings, so I'm somehow worried, but we'll always be together no matter what!) _

_Envy presses his face close to Al's in order to hear the music. He starts singing in the highest pitched voice…_

_Envy: Tooku hanarete ite mo omoi tsutawaru son'na ki ga shite' ru no… (Even though I'm far away I get the feeling that your thoughts are somehow conveyed to me…) _

_Ed, Al, and Envy all start to sing together. _

_Ed, Al, Envy:(Chorus) Hagane no kokoro hitorizutsu, omou kimochi wa chigatte mo omoi yari was tashika dakara itsudatte shinjite ireu ( A FullMetal Spirit, even though our thoughts and feelings are all different because these feelings are all in truth and we will always believe in each other.) _

_The trio smile at each other, and ignore the stares they are getting from others on the street as they continue to sing, even louder. _

_Ed, Al, Envy: Hagane no kokoro bokutachi wa nakushita mono ooi keredo dakara koso tsuyoku nareru kizuna tsuyoku fukai kara… (A FullMetal Spirit, even though we have lost so may things, but because of that, we can grow stronger and the bond we have will grow stronger!) _

_After they are done, a group of people circle them and clap. Ed and Al look down, both feeling embarrassed while Envy bows and waves happily. _

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Envy and Ed: YOU DIDN'T USE ANY OF OUR CHOICES! (Pout)

Zana…I love this song, what can I say? This is a Hagaren Song Profile from Ed and originally, Ed, Al, and Winry all sing together, but I kicked her out…the message behind it is suppose to show that no matter how the three are separated, (Ed, Al, Winry), they all have a bond that connects them…a FullMetal Spirit, (or heart.) If you want to get really picky, it would translate to Spirit of Steel or Heart of Steel and that is too cold sounding for the song…if you haven't heard it, download it!

Envy: …NEWSFLASH! NO ONE CARES!

Zana: My interpretation for this is that even though Ed, Al, and Envy all kind of just met and are at different points in their lives, they're all still connected on how they feel about each other! Okay…enough of my attempts of trying to be philosophical…and SHUT UP PALM TREE!

Ed: My Japanese voice actor had a pretty voice… (Swoons)

Zana: Go Romi Paku! But…THIS CHAPTER ISN'T OVER YET!

Envy: NOOOoooOOOOooOOOOOOO (Dies)

Zana: I bring Omake…it has NOTHING to do with the fic itself unless I say otherwise…so here we go! (Kicks Envy) You have more acting to do…

XXX

**Omake Theater**- Concerto

XXX

Nothing mattered, no, not the military, not Mustang, not the Philosopher's Stone or even Al…at least, not at the moment.

For Edward Elric was learning how to play the violin.

He felt the taller, lean body behind chastise him softly, _"No, not like that…like this…" _A pale hand forced Edward to lift his ungloved metal hand higher. _"Press the bow on the stings gently...stop trying to use force…" _

Edward sighed. It was hard for him to focus with his supposed enemy's crotch pressing against his rear. He placed the violin down and glared at his teacher. "This is stupid…these hands are meant for alchemy and science…not the arts…they…"

Before Ed could say anymore, his hands were being gripped and his lips were being covered with another pair. He gasped and allowed the entrance of a slippery, hot tongue to probe and explore the insides. Ed kissed back, nipping along the bottom of his teacher's lips. His teacher pulled away, "…And your lips aren't meant to be pleasuring me with, ne? O'chibi-san…"

Ed was speechless and looked back at the violin. "…Let's just continue…Envy…"

The ballroom was filled with the sound of music once again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Zana: Short, sweet, and to the point. My sister plays…I'm a piano geek myself…meh. Oh, and Ed's little breakdown in this chappie is something I've experience myself…although not _as _psychotic…it is NOT a fun feeling…this is why we should all just relax and smile, it helps! (Smiles)

Al: What's going to happen in the next chapter!

Zana: …I have two words. **Sports Day**…yup, let all the readers freak out…that's all I'm saying… (Winks)

Ed: (Reads over notes for next chapter) OMFG!

Envy: What? (Reads) …ZANA! (Gets out a knife) C'mere kitty kitty!

Zana: MEOW! (Runs behind Al) Please, don't hesitate to R&R! Until next time…ENVY STO-!

Ja ne!


	6. But You Know What?

Envy: Hi everyone! (Waves) Since I killed Zana last chapter, I'm in charge of the story this chapter!

Greed, Wrath, Ed, Winry, Rose: **OMFG, RUN AND HIDE!** (They scatter)

Envy: (Growls) Hey, when in the hell did the _girls_ show up in the author notes? **AND HOW IS ROSE TALKING!**

Rose: The world may never know…

Winry: Answer the reviewer's questions palm tree… (Whacks with wrench o' doom)

Envy: OUCH! (Kills Winry) The bitch is dead…gee, that was fun… (Goes on killing spree…) Lalalalala, killing off all the pathetic humans are fun, lalaaadee da…. (Screams of terror are heard in the background)

Ed: (Sweatdrops) **I'll **answer the reviews…because Envy is scaring me…reviewers, be honored…

Shy7cat: …You like Al and Wrath together? THEY'RE TOO YOUNG DAMNIT! But…they might end up together anyway because Zana likes things like that…Zana's PSYCHO…I'm so happy you like me STRESSING OUT AND HAVING METAL BREAKDOWNS… (Twitch) Yeah, me and Envy in therapy would kill the poor therapist…AND WHAT'S THIS ABOUT AN AL TRIBUTE! Okay…Al does rock…I guess he was in the spotlight last chapter…and last chapter Winry, Rose, Al, and Wrath waited afterschool to go to the park with us…all other questions should be answered in this chapter…thanks for the long review, Zana likes long reviews that makes her laugh…oh, and Envy isn't all 'Rawr' at Rose because she isn't trying to take me away from him…NOT THAT I BELONG TO HIM…

XxDream Theaterxx: Yes…I never had a nervous breakdown before until Zana forced me…it did not feel fun. I should get paid for my work…I don't know hat episode that is…Zana started watching my show at episode 33…and she calls herself an FMA fan…thanks for reviewing anyway, encourage everyone to torture me…(Smiles) WAIT! It's episode 14! I'm soooo smart like that! (Winks)

Ash892: You think there's humor here? Glad you liked it then…thanks for the review… (Smiles)

Solo Maxwell-Yamato: SURE, MAKE THE AUTHORESS WANT TO CONTINUE TORTURING ME! I'm going to become Emo…thanks for the review…

Aruslym: "OMGWTGLOLBBQ." I know I have issues…thanks for the review, the randomness makes Zana smile…

Aya Seno: I'm happy my teenage angst and drama makes you happy! And I not a chibi…no one should touch my hair…rawr…

Sassike: Wow, you think Zana's doing a good job? You get a cookie…

Just call me Goddess: Zana updates when she can…well…right now Envy's updating…save me… (Gulps)

JapSock: (Is glomped with Envy) Thanks for the review! Me and Envy have another fangirl! (Hands autograph)

Suishoku-ketsurui: Interesting AU? If Zana was alive, she would cry tears of joy…of course she'll continue and update!

Icyblackflame: Thanks for the review, you know Zana love ya!

Sunako Kanzaki: I'm glad you love our AU! Watch me do a trick! (Flips)

Envy: (Hugs Ed) I love you chibi-san…

Ed: …WHAT DID YOU DO!

Envy: …Nothing… (Runs away)

Ed: **ENVY WHY DOES MY RED JACKET HAVE A HOLE IN IT!** (Chases)

Al and Wrath: On with the chapter!

**Drive Me Crazy **

**Chapter 6: But You Know What…? **

**Aka**

**Sports Day, Part I **

Ah, then came Friday, the day in which our heroes could finally return to that magical place known as school. But their return to school would just start something else…something that would cause Ed more torture…

As soon as Ed stepped foot within the building, his golden eyes went very wide. With shock and surprise. Plastered all over the hallways were pictures of him, pictures of him from yesterday. Of him in his boxers hugging Al…and him in his boxers period. His hair was frizzy and drool was made noticeable by the glossy, up-close pictures.

What it read on the bottom of these posters stunned Ed even more. In huge, bold letters on the bottom, it read: **VOTE EDWARD ELRIC FOR JUNIOR CLASS PRESIDENT! HE'S _MINI-SIZED!_ **

Envy blinked, "…Ne, I didn't know that you were running for next year…" Ed turned slowly, his face holding a dark expression. He spoke quietly, "That is because I wasn't Envy…someone else did this…someone named…WINRY ROCKBELL!" He pointed at the girl who laughed nervously, "…Don't get mad Edward…it was just that…Russell Tringham was being a jerk about how he was going to win, so I told him that you could beat him any day and then I signed you up to run against him…"

Ed went into a thinking pose, "So once again, you use me for your own drama issues…why couldn't YOU run? Why ME? And why did you use THOSE pictures!" Winry blinked, "What's wrong with the pictures…?"

A group of jocks, along with Russell, walked by, laughing and pointing, "I can't believe he fucks Envy AND his little brother, that's SICK Elric!" One sneered. Russell walked over to Ed, "You have no chance of winning…_shrimp…" _That is what was with those pictures…

Envy twitched. They were making fun of Ed?

Ed twitched. Russell called him short?

Ed and Envy separately were destructive forces that shouldn't be tampered with…

But Ed and Envy _together…_

_Bitch, you'll get your damn ass kicked, your balls ripped off, and you'll DIE…_

Seconds later, Rose and Winry could only watch as the poor jocks got punished. There was some bloodshed, some loose teeth…some crying…

Then the jocks got a clue and the survivors ran away. Envy smiled, "I feel that much better today! Nothing like kicking ass to start off a Friday morning!" Ed nodded in agreement, and then went back to glaring at Winry, "Most importantly…you put _mini-sized_ on the poster…MINI-SIZED! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! I'M _NOT_ AN M&M!"

Winry ran down the hallway, "Ed, YOU'RE SCARING ME!" The shorter teen answered, "I'D BETTER BE!" Other students pressed their backs against lockers in order to avoid being trapped in the crossfire. Rose pulled out a white sheet of paper and wrote quickly on it, _'She is screwed…she should have listened to me.'_

Envy read and nodded, "Very true…" She took another sheet out and wrote

on it again, _'Today is also sports day.'_ Envy took a good look around.

So _that's _why everyone was walking around in their gym uniforms!

XXX

Toward the end of the school year, every year, there was Sports Day. It was the one day when students had no classes and the best of the best in every grade competed against each other in various events. The grade that won the most competitions got awarded a dinky medal and coupons for ice cream.

The seniors, naturally, won _every year_. And they gloated about how they would win _every year_.

This is how Ed ended up in his gym uniform, which was in the school colors, white and black. The uniforms for males consisted of black short-shorts and a white T-shirt. The girls wore the same thing, excerpt their shorts looked more like underwear, since the school board were filled with perverted old men…like _Roy_…but anyway…

The first event dealt with the cheerleading teams of each grade.

And in the tenth grade, an emergency occurred.

Winry ran up to Ed, who was sitting in the bleachers with Envy, dressed in her uniform. The black skirt was extremely tiny and the shirt was extremely tight around the bust area. Rose was close behind her in the same attire.

"You guys! We were warming up and Chelsea fell off our pyramid and broke her ankle…_the bitch has been eating too many brownies again,"_ She murmured darkly, "Anyway, we need a replacement!" Winry said. Envy raised an eyebrow, "What do you expect o'chibi-san to do about it?" Winry laughed nervously again and played with her fingers. Rose held up another sign, _'She wants Ed to take her place because they look alike and he's light to pick up…' _

"**Hell no!** It's bad enough every thinks I molest AL and that I'm running for office, now I need to cross-dress and do flips! The answer is-" _"YES!"_ Envy responded. Ed gave him a look, **"WHAT!"** Envy crossed his arms, "If you look **hot** in a French maid outfit, you'll look **sexy** in a cheerleader outfit…and since I can't touch you, it's the closest I'll get to my fantasies at the moment…" Ed blushed. He did not know why…

Rose held up another sign, _'What French maid outfit?'_

"The one he wears to work," Envy replied. Ed felt like strangling him. Rose would never like him now! What girl would like a guy that wears dresses! Winry waved her hand, "I'll explain later…please Ed, please help us out? We can't let the senior girls win! Don't you have any school spirit?"

"Do I go to church?" Ed gave as a reply to which the answer was no. Envy poked Ed, "Then do it for me o'chibi-san…" Envy licked his lips and lowered his eyelids which made Ed turn redder. He turned his head away, "…Um…I…I guess…I can…you know…help…" _Damnit, why is Envy being sexy! And why do I let him get away with calling me short! _ Winry pulled Ed away, "Come on, we only have fifteen minutes to 'cheer you up'!" She dragged her away and Envy stalked after them.

Ed was still **HIS a**fter all…

XXX

_Edward's Point of View_

XXX

I think I'm going to be sick. As if I didn't have _enough_ to deal with, now I'm in a mini-skirt with my hair down…and I hated my hair down…

Winry was trying to make my cowlick go down…but it wouldn't…I think my cowlick had a mind of its own…

"So you've got the cheer down, right? And the words?" Winry asked, dabbing makeup on me. I wouldn't have let her…but Envy licked my cheek and said "Pretty please?" in this sexy voice and I couldn't say no…SINCE WHEN COULD HE CONTROL ME WITH _SEX?_ SINCE WHEN WAS I INTERESTED IN _SEX! _That word makes me feel like taking a bath…I'm a naughty boy…chain me up and fuck me hard…WHOA, BAD THOUGHTS! Must regain sanity and normalcy…

"…Yes, I know the stupid cheer and moves," I growled. I hated the cheer; I had to jump around, smiling, waving my pom-poms, shaking my ass for the school to see. Then at the end, I had to do three back flips and jump on top of the pyramid they were going to form…

Luckily, we were the last team going today. We stood on the field, watching the senior girls do all kinds of flips, jumps, and moves that had the crowd go wild. They ended their cheer with a girl doing the quadruple jump, which was considered nearly impossible in the cheer world. Winry growled and held on tightly to her pom-poms, "That means war ladies…and Ed…" She smiled brightly, "What are we gonna do girls!"

"_Win!"_

"And how are we gonna win?"

"_By kicking ASS!" _

"Four, three, two one, we're the best and we're gonna have fun! Goooo ECHS!" (E/N: East Central High School…not very original…meh)

The crowd's earsplitting applause abruptly ended when three gunshots were randomly shot into the crowd. Ms. Hawkeye smiled, "Thank you…and now, here is ECHS's tenth grade cheerleader team!"

_Yikes…_

XXX

Envy sat in the very front of the bleachers, watching out for his little chibi in the little skirt.

"_Thank you…and now, here is ECHS's tenth grade cheerleading team!" _

As the girls all ran out, screaming and waving their black and white pom-poms, Envy couldn't help but smirk as he saw Ed stay in the back and look around suspiciously with flushed cheeks. The girls, (and Edo), spread themselves out on the field and lined up in three rows as they started their chanting.

"_A-T-T, A-C-K, listen to what we've got to say ATTACK!" _

There was some flips and rhythmic foot stomping. Nothing impressive enough to beat the seniors yet…

"_We don't back down, we take up the challenge, we rock and roll we get in your face ATTACK!" _

Ed was now frowning as the girls all turned at the same time and swayed their hips. _Poor Edo…_snicker, snicker…

"People all over the world just turn to see us, one, two three four!"

Flip, flip…_oooh_, they just dropped that girl! The crowd all became silent and watched. The senior cheerleaders laughed. Ah, but the team moved on as the girl picked herself up. Now they were coming to the finale as they all formed into a pyramid. This would be Ed's big break after being in the back for most of the cheer…

Then Envy's eyes widened as so did the crowd's…

**ED! **

XXX

_Edward's Point of View_

XXX

Okay, so we were doing the cheer, right? And then this one girl with freaking _bubble gum pink_ hair that stood next to me was all like, "Smile, stop looking depressed…_you're not being energetic enough!" _

And she went on…

And on…

AND ON…well, you get the clue…

So as the others started forming their pyramid thing…I moved up front, as I instructed to, but then I added my own little twist…

I smiled sweetly at the crowd, batting my eyelashes as I did so. Then I turned around and raised my ass into the air like it was a freaking trophy and shouted, _"I'M EDWARD ELRIC. VOTE FOR ME!" _They all got a good look of the black panty-like underwear that was attached to the skirt.

After being pleased with everyone's shocked reactions, including the fact that I was really a guy, I started to flip back.

One flip

Two flips

Three flips

Four flips, (HA! Take that seniors!)

Five flips,

Six flips…

And one last on that had me fly into the air and land perfectly on top of their pyramid…and I had no clue I had the ability to do all that.

In the adrenaline rush, I tore off my shirt as well.

Everyone went nuts, yelling louder for us than any other of the three teams. The senior girls left in shame and I spotted Russell bugging his eyes out at me for the whole, 'Vote for me,' thing.

The girls on the team came up to me, giving kisses on the cheek and hugs and other girl congratulatory things. I smiled brightly. Who cares if I just made a fool of myself in front of the entire school?

It felt DAMN good.

XXXXXXX

Boy's Track Race (Two Events Later)

XXXXXXX

Ed was back in his uniform and was more or less finished with all the, "You rock!" and "I'm definitely voting for you!" of the other students. He and Envy were now in the guy's locker room. The boy track race took the fastest male in each grade and put them to the test to see who would win. So far, the Seniors were in the lead, followed by the Sophomores, Freshmen, and Juniors. Envy was the chosen candidate for the Sophomore class.

"I don't really feel like racing," said candidate murmured, stretching his arms and legs, "I should lose on purpose…" Ed frowned, "You can't! We're second, and if you win this, we can be in the lead!" Envy snorted, "And since when did you care about the school?" Ed looked away, "Since I did my cheer…something about it was…_empowering…" _

Envy nodded, "Right…empowering. I'm still not going to try hard enough." The green-haired teen stood and flicked his hair in a feminine way. "See ya later o'chibi…_WHA!" _

Envy was surprised when he felt Ed grab both his wrists and shove him against the lockers. He was even more surprised when said blonde pressed his sweaty, hot body against his and smashed his lips hungrily against his. Ed took control of the kiss as he probed within Envy's mouth and sucked on his tongue before moving down to his neck and nipping the flesh there softly before pulling away. Both his and Ed's faces were tinted red.

"…Naaaniii?" Envy managed to say incoherently. Ed looked down, golden eyes wide. He was in control of Envy…and he was the one that made Envy all breathless. _I like this feeling_, he thought darkly. (E/N: Birth to the seme chibi!) "…Um…that was good luck…scientists have to experiment…and I said I'd consider…you know…being with you…um…good luck, I have to go get a seat!" Ed decided not to babble anymore as he ran away.

Envy touched his lips and smirked, "…Don't you know that I'm toxic chibi…?"

XXX

Edward's Point of View

XXX

I found a seat with Rose and Winry. Winry pointed out, "Ed, your face is all red…" I nodded, "…Um…I ran here, you know…" Then I focused on the track below. I saw Roy flirting with Ms. Hawkeye…but I'd doubt she'd go for someone like him. I looked all around the crowd and smiled, feeling at peace with myself…something I had not felt in a long time.

_Until I saw…him. _

My world turned black with rage.

…_Why now?_

_Scene fades to black with Ed holding an expression of pure hatred on his face as the music to **Torbira no Mukou e** (Beyond the Door), starts to play._

_Edward is young, probably around the age of six or seven. He is running toward a taller figure that walking and fading away from him. He calls out for this figure to wait, but to no avail as the door closes, and a haunting air of finality fills the room. Tears well up in his eyes, but he blinks them away. _

_Bokura wa ima demo sakenderu, tashikameru you ni nigirishimeta migite, U zataii housoku wo buchikowashiteike kizutsuita ashi wo yasumaseru, tatta ippo demo koko kara susume. (The two of us are screaming, even now, as if to confirm something, you tightly clench your right hand. If the rules are annoying you, just go ahead and break them. If you're thinking of resting your ailing leg, move one more step forward from here instead.) _

_The scene changes and then shows a slightly older Ed looking out the window. It is snowing lightly outside. He looks back and see Trisha in bed, coughing. He looks away and clenches his fist. A hand touches his shoulder and it is Al, smiling faintly at him. He mouths something to resemble, 'I'm sorry.' _

_Bokura was itsudemo sakenderu, shinji-tsuzkeru dake ga kotae ja nai yowasa mo kizu mo sarakededashite mogaki-tsuzkenakerba hajumaranai tsukiyabure torbira no mukou e… (The two of us are screaming all the time, just continuing to believe inst the answer. Expose your weakness and you wounds. If we don't continue to struggle, nothing will begin. So break through, beyond the door.) _

_The last scene shows Ed brushing his fingers lightly against the window. He opens it and sticks his hand to touch the snow. _

**Omake Theater**- Therapy

Therapist: Okay, I'm going to ask a few questions and you two will give me your answers…understand?

Ed: I AM a prodigy…I don't need this; I have my **OWN kick-ass SHOW! **

Envy: You're so fucking arrogant…

Ed: I DO HAVE MY OWN SHOW! AND MANGA!

Envy: I'M IN THE SHOW! AND MANGA!

Ed: … (Blinks) OMFG, really! I NEVER NOTICED YOU!

Therapist: Ahem…so…why are you here in the first place?

Ed: (Flips braid) Well, everyone on cast kept on saying I was being too conceited or something, but we all know you can _never_ be too conceited… (Poses and billions of fan girls take pictures) See? I'm LOVED… (Glares at Envy)

Envy: I'm here because I'm three seconds away from frying his shrimpy, non-milk drinking SELF! (Poses and some more fan girls take pictures)

Ed: I HAVE MORE FANS! YOU KILLED ME AND HUGHES, that lowers your popularity! AHA! (Points and throws Yu-Gi-Oh 'The Villain of the Show' card)

Envy: (Pulls out Yu-Gi-Oh Card) I PLAY, 'THE GUILT CARD!' SOME people dislike you cause you're a little angst child that turned your momma into a homunculus AND you trapped your brother in a suit of armor!

Therapist: I'm sensing some sexual tension…and cross-over-ism…OH GODS, no more HARRY POTTER CROSSOVERS! (Jumps out of nearby window)

Ed: (Laughs at therapist) HAHA, you're not as sexy as ME! Wait…I can't fuck Envy…we're HALF-BROTHERS!

Envy: …But not in the manga… (Uses Yu-Gi-Oh 'Change of Heart' card to turn Ed into Manga!Ed)

Manga!Ed: C'mere hot stuff, I like it KINKY! (Tackles Envy to the ground and slaps face) WHO'S THE BAD-ASS!

Envy: YOU'RE THE BAD-ASS, slap me again! I'm your bitch! (Kisses and tongues)

And they proceed to have BDSM-desk sex…and the desk breaks from Manga!Ed's thrusts…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ed: …Why does everyone think the manga version of me is a bad-ass…?

Wrath: And what was up with the cards…?

Envy: … (Shugs) I'm PMS-ing… (Sits in a corner and chews on a Snickers bar…)

Al: …Zana still isn't alive… (Looks sadly at the dead body)

Envy: Ok…time for the end talk…I'm guessing everyone should know…who he is…I mean…Zana's so freaking predictable like that…and if you don't, you'll just have to read the next chapter! R&R because I'LL answer your reviews in the next chapter and we all KNOW I'm not as nice as Ed…

Ed: WHO YOU CALLING SO NICE I PLAY WITH BUNNIES AND CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP AT NIGHT!

Envy: I wish my grass was suicidal so it could cut itself…hahhaha, laugh at my twisted humor… (Salutes) Later…

Al and Wrath: (Hug) R & R!

Ja ne!


	7. You Can Never Erase The Past

Zana: (Human Transmutation-tized) Hey, it's time for another update my people! I know it's been awhile…but Ed sacrificed another arm just to bring me back! Isn't he the greatest? (Has serpent eating tail mark on shoulder)

Envy: ...There are only 7 homunculi you know…NO MORE OC ones!

Zana: Tch, I know that, silly palm tree. I'm the homunculus know as…Insanity!

Ed: What a perfect name too…

Zana: I have a lot to say in my author's notes…so let's get started! First off…Envy and I get to answer reviews! (Hug Envy)

Envy: … (Pushes Zana away) I hate you…

Hacikara-chan

Envy: Wow. You love this story… (Pulls out knife and smirks)

Zana: (Hugs and hands Envy plushie) Thank you very much, much luff back! Ignore the sadistic palm tree…

Shu-chan77901

Envy: … (Pulls out knife)

Zana: (Hits) Stop that! Thanks for the review! (Hands plushie of Edo)

Ash892

Zana and Envy: Here's chapter 7, thanks for the review!

Razatip

Zana: Seme!Ed is yay indeed! Expect more seme chibi-ness in upcoming chapters!

Envy: (High-fives) Yes, the chibi in a French maid outfit and cheerleading uniform is something to be happy over…now then… (Pulls out knife)

Zana: (Hits) STOP IT, you'll scare them away! (Hands French maid Edo plushie) Please review again!

Me and My God Complex

Zana: …Dude. I really like your pen name…first of all…

Envy: STOP PRAISING THE AUTHORESS, this shit sucks…!

Zana: Thanks for the review! (Hugs and hands a plate of cookies)

Bakergirl

Envy: You're right, I am sexy…

Zana: I think she meant the fic…

Envy: I'm still sexy though…

Zana: (Sweatdrops) Well…you are… (Hands Envy plushie) Thanks for the comment!

Shy7cat

Zana: … (Hugs-tackle-glomps) OMFG, dude, you're my like…muse and everything…I love your reviews…so very much…they make me…so very happy… (Glomps more)

Ed: (Twitches) I don't belong to Envy…if anything…ENVY BELONGS TO ME! (Whips Envy) And…maybe Al and Wrath do make a cute couple…

Al and Wrath: Yay! (Hug)

Envy: Owch… (Bites Ed) HA! (Both get into a fight and Envy wins)

Envy: (Ties Ed to a chair) Ha…sexy little chibi…

Zana: Back to the review…where does Rose get her signs from…? The world may never know…and there will be fights over Ed in the future…ha.

Ed: I do NOT have scary thoughts…I'M NOT CRAZY!

Envy: Yes. Yes you are. But I like you anyway… (Hugs)

Ed: …Uh… (Blushes)

Zana: Aww! The pink-haired cheerleader being Sakura Haruno from Naruto? Could be…she was a random person…meh…next subject…

Envy: I AM toxic…even though it is from a cheesy pop song…I make it sound sexy… (Poses) HA! I do kick ass a lot…don't' I? (Smirks)

Zana: I love Hagane no Kokoro…it's all cute and happy. And yes, the omake was inspired by you…my reviewer-muse. And I agree…Manga!Ed is badass…and Hohenheim…yeah…

Ed: … (Looks at Manga-Self)

Manga!Ed: What bitch! (Pulls out guns)

Envy: …I find that very sexy… (Purrs and glomps)

Zana: (Hands tissue) I'm so glad you think we rock…we love you man! (Sniffs and hugs)

Envy: … (Pulls out knife) Kill the reviewers

Ed: No… (Tackles and another fight ensures)

Zana: …Wow…this has taken up four pages already…rush time! I would also love to mention and thank: **Suishoku-ketsurui**, (Here's more!), **XxDream TheaterxX**, (I'm up and yes…Envy is sexiful, ain't he?), **Aya** **Seno**, (Yes…we must put the bikni on Edo some chapter, ne?) **Shakespeare'sWorstNightmare**, (Cool pen name and thanks!), **kousagibriefs**, (Here's the update!), **Solo Maxwell-Yamato**, (Let's hope the blonde chibi wins!) **aruslym**, (Seme Ed rocks and I love you dude!), **Luna-Lunak**, (Wow, thanks for all the reviews and such!), **Suppie-chan the III**, (Here's the update, thanks!), **Tai Anime**, (Edo's daddy! Here's the update!), **BlueMoon369**, (Number 1 fangirl? Aww, love ya! Thanks!), **tigerHellspawn**, (Here's the update, enjoy!)

Roy: (Holds some papers) And now…to answer and talk about things Zana noticed in the reviews…

_BDSM means what? _

Zana: It stands for…Bondage-Domination-Sadism-Masochism…and to make it really simple…getting pleasure from pain and all that good kinky stuff.

Envy: Zana WOULD know… (CoughEdoCough)

Zana: (Locks in a cage and tapes mouth) No one heard that…

Ed: I still get nightmares… (Shivers)

_Yay Seme!Ed or yay Seme!Envy? _

Zana: I got mixed opinions on the birth of Seme!Chibi…but I know I am not the only one who finds Ed on top hot…in the summary it does state…**Ed**xEnvy fic…so yeah.

_As for OMFG Papa Hoho's Back…!_

Zana: Read on to find out more! Be prepared…for angst and drama…insanity? I was on crack when I wrote this chapter…you've been warned.

**Drive Me Crazy **

**Chapter 7: You Can Never Erase The Past**

**aka **

**Sports Day, Part II**

At the sound of Ms. Hawkeye's gunshot, the race was on. Envy received a boost of energy from Ed's kiss which had put him in the lead already. The emerald-haired teen just _loved_ to run. He loved the way his legs would move up and down, the adrenaline rushing through his blood and veins, his heart pumping faster, the wind caressing his face and hair…

_Running kind of turned him on…_

The senior candidate had caught up to him. Mark Gardner, the track star hot shot…Envy liked his hair though…the dreadlocks were awesome. You never saw that many Jamaican people _in Japan…_

"Face it palm-tree, you're not going to beat me!" Mark stated, panting hard as he moved ahead of Envy. The sin was unfazed however. That insult was _so_ two months ago…plus talking was wasted energy. Envy knew that he would win. He would just take his sweet time doing so.

Oh how _fun_ it was crushing spirits…

XXX

As Winry cheered for Envy, (Only because she wanted their grade to win), Rose was able to notice the dramatically changed expression on the blonde's face that sat next to her. It was moments like this when she wished deeply not to be mute. She really liked Edward Elric, but was too shy to let him know. Besides, he seemed to be getting _awfully_ close to Envy…not that she had a problem with him or homosexual relationships…

She gently tapped him on the shoulder and startled golden eyes looked back at her. "Oh…what's up Rose?" She signed, 'You seem upset, is anything wrong?' Ed grinned and waved it off, "Oh, it's nothing, maybe those nachos I had earlier are giving me a stomach ache…you know…" He added a laugh as well. Rose frowned; she wasn't _stupid_, but asked no more and looked back at the race, everyone else was in front of Envy…

XXX

Edward's Point of View

XXX

Nonononononononono…whythefuckisHEhereafterallthisTIMEnononono…! The memories were flooding back, like colors and sounds and crying moving all at the same time…oh God _the crying…_

_There was so much blood…everywhere…_

"…_went to far…"_

"_Now **you** have to pay the price kid…" _

"_**NO!" **_

Rose was tapping my shoulder again, I opened my eyes and found myself hunched over, grabbing at my stomach. Winry was looking my way as well, "Ed…?"

I was breathing fast…another breakdown was approaching, it was _too crowded_ and _loud_ and _bright…_

"I'll…be back, I have to use the bathroom…nachos," I said. My assuring voice was out of whack since I ended up sounding like a scared drunk as I made my way back into the school building.

My fingertips pressed against the cool walls and the school was spinning around and around I started to giggle, finding it all fucked-up and deliciously hilarious. I pressed my heated cheek against a locker and panted softly, trying to gather my thoughts and come up with a plan, trying to block out the memories…

"Edward, it's been awhile. You left your friends in quite a hurry…"

My eyes widened and my mouth became dry as rage along with ten million other emotions boiled up within me, raising to a crescendo of…of…something _beautifully horrific. _

"Scar…" I finally spat out.

XXX

Envy's Point of View

XXX

My chest hit that stupid yellow ribbon and the crowd went wild. But I didn't pay attention to them for a moment while I stomped on the damn ribbon. It mocked me, but now I could mock it! Fucking piece of piss-colored shit…

After I was handed my shiny fake-gold medal and flaunted it in the other's faces, I happily went off to find Edward, he inspired me to win and maybe I would be rewarded with another sweet kiss.

But as I went up to his friends, the chibi himself was missing. The Winry girl smiled and said congratulations, but I ignored her, I knew she didn't mean it and second of all, I was more focused on where the hell Edward was. He didn't see me win and that kind of pissed me off. "Where's shorty?" I questioned the mute girl. She got out another sheet of paper and wrote on it, "I think he went to the bathroom…because of nachos."

Psh, nachos! Oh, I was going to kick his cute little ass…and maybe by the time I was through, I could kiss him all better, meh. With these thoughts in mind, I went off to find the chibi as the final event to determine who would win sports day this year went off.

"Edward…oh where oh where had my little chibi gone, oh where oh where could he beeee…?" There was no sign of him anywhere, not in any boy's bathroom and that worried me. I wandered the halls, calling out his name until I turned a corner…

And then I went back, hiding behind it. Edward was with some strange guy, much older than him…with tanned skin and sunglasses. He looked like a hobo to me…what would the chibi want with such a person! I did not barge in just yet, I watched and listened carefully.

"How's your arm and leg? It looks so real, I almost had forgotten what happened to them, eh?" The taller man said. A hand went to touch MY chibi's face, his thumb rubbing over…HIS LIPS! What the HELL is this crap! He's way OLDER than Ed and since when did ED have a guy on the side…! What did he mean by arm and leg…?

Edward spoke against the thumb, "I still hate you for it…I still hate myself for it. Why are you here? I told you I didn't want to play your _sick_ little games anymore Scar…"

This Scar person replied, "Ah, but you use to love my games. Isn't that why you came to me in the first place?" Ed moved away from him, a step back, his eyes burning up at him, "That was then. This is now…and just when I thought I had finally forgotten all about IT, you fucking come to my school! Just stay the hell away from me; I never want to see you _AGAIN!"_ Ed raised a fist to punch Scar with, but the Scar person held it back and grabbed the chibi by the small of his back and their lips smashed together as he kissed him deeply…that hand was moving down to Ed's ass…

Oh, I had seen _enough. _

"**_WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING YOU HOBO!" _**

XXXX

Scar pulled away, hearing the voice of the newest person to join their little _play_, if you will. Ed turned around, his cheeks red as he looked at Envy and ran over to him, wrapping his arms around him possessively, "I said fuck off Scar, I have another boyfriend now…right Envy…?"

They spoke with their eyes. Ed's eyes shimmered softly, asking Envy to please play along and Envy's eyes dulled in agreement, wanting an explanation afterward. Envy kissed his forehead before glaring up at Scar, "You're way too old for, aren't you? Whatever you and Ed had in the past is now over, so why don't you just go and find another boy, eh?" Envy then took Ed's hand as they left the scene. Once they reached an empty classroom, Envy closed the door, locking it and took a seat on the teacher's desk, staring down at Ed.

Ed looked up slowly, "Yeah. There are things you don't know. So maybe I'm not a virgin and maybe I have been with another guy before…I lied to you, but for good reason…"

Envy raised an eyebrow and looked away at a wall, "If there's one thing I hate besides preps and yellow ribbons…it's a liar. I mean…do you still want to be with that guy or not? And what about Rose, I thought you had some silly crush on her…what about…me? I'm not some _toy_ you can manipulate and throw away…"

Ed shook his head, "It's nothing like that. You don't understand so STOP assuming shit and listen. I can't…tell you…things. Not now…it's too much for me and…"

"You, the world doesn't revolve around only YOU. There are other people out there with worse shit going on than you and you just want to bottle it all up and carry the burden on your shoulders, so be it then, just don't pull me into it, got it?" Envy stood up and walked past Ed as he slammed the door shut behind him.

Ed blinked at the sound of the slam, it seemed so final…so alone. Something within him snapped again, easily…malleable like a stick or shattering glass.

_Beautifully horrific…_

XXX

By the time Envy had stormed back outside, it had been determined that the Sophomore class had won sports day and they cheered happily as the other grades sulked in defeat, especially the Seniors. He felt no joy from this, only hurt. Edward had lied to him…the blonde didn't have anything to _think _about, he just _didn't want_ to be with him. And that not wanting feeling, familiar and there...it made him want to…

"**_Oh my GOD…!" _** That was the scream of a girl as she pointed toward the school roof, a delicate hand clamped over tightly on her mouth.

Envy looked up and blinked several times before amethyst eyes widened in shock, "…Ed…Ed…**EDWARD!"**

XXX

Edward's Point of View

XXX

They all look so small from up here. Like tiny little ants. It's all just too funny and I can't stop myself from laughing as I walk along the edge of the school roof. They're all worried now…but can't they _see?_ Hot tears, thick and salty are flowing down my face.

It's all apart of God's plan. If he exists…

You see…mom is sick and mom will die. It's my duty to die before her so that when we go to heaven or hell or whatever comes after life, I'll be there to greet her with open arms. Then Al will follow, we'll be a happy family again. Even That Bastard will die and will come to death as a _Father_…can't they all just _see? _

Then I can escape the lies. I've lied so much, I've lost track of what's true. Am I really Edward Elric? Is Al really my brother? Am I really alive or is this all just a dream I can never wake up from?

Have I ever really met Envy…?

At least if I fall…I don't have to deal with all of it anymore. It's all according to plan.

I'm laughing, I'm crying, I'm confused as hell, I don't want to feel anymore, it's too much for me, my eyes are opened, I know there's a crazed expression on my face.

I lean forward, my hair is loose and I feel it move along my skin.

_Al, Mom…Rose, Winry…_

_Envy…_

**Omake Theater- **Kitten (Sidestory to the fic)

Alphonse was the first one to hear sound as he and Wrath swung on the swings of the school playground. He slowly came to a stop, looking around. Wrath blinked, "What's wrong Al?"

"I know…I heard a kitten. Shh..." The two stayed silent as they listened for the kitten. A soft meow came from the bushes nearby and Al jumped up as he started to search for the kitten. He stumbled along a large brown box and within the box, was a tiny black and white kitten. It weakly meowed again. Wrath stood behind Al and peered over his shoulder, "…Ew, it looks sick. Throw it away," the boy stated. Al glared back, "No way, it's just a poor kitten. Whoever did this should be ashamed!" He scooped it up in his arms and nuzzled it. The kitten purred softly back, "I'll name you Oreo…"

Wrath couldn't help but blush, Al was being so kind to that stupid kitten…but it made him look _cute_. At that moment, Wrath wanted to be the kitten. Silver-brown eyes looked back at him, "My brother will say no if I ask to keep him…what about your family?"

"…Uh…Dante hates cats…and I think Envy's allergic to them," he murmured, kicking up the dirt on the ground, "sorry…" Al smiled back, "It's okay…we just have to find Oreo a home!" Oreo climbed on Al's shoulder and perched there, purring contently. Wrath felt Al grab his hand and it made his stomach flutter, "C'mon, let's go tell the teacher…and…why is your face all red?"

XX

After school, the two boys went on a hunt to find Oreo a home, but to each house they went, the owners rejected them. Al grew more and more disheartened with each rejection until there was a frown on his face and his eyes watered slightly, "…Wrath…I don't want to leave it out here on the streets…it'll die…"

Wrath noticed this and panicked, "Don't worry…we'll look all day if we have to _someone_ must want a kitten…please don't cry…" A pale finger reached out to wipe away the tear that had started to make its way down Al's cheek. The dark blonde haired boy looked up and blinked softly as Wrath gulped and move closer to his face, slowly closing his eyes, _Just like in the movies…_he thought to himself. Closer…closer…so close…

"Hey, what are you kids doing in the middle of the street!" There was loud honking and Wrath glared back, seeing his father and some other lady in the car. Why hasn't Dante divorced him yet when he so _obviously_ cheats on her all the damn time! Al walked over and held up Oreo, "We need to find him a home…but no one wants him…"

The busty woman in the car smiled, "Aww, what a precious thing! _I'll_ take him home with me…" She gladly took Oreo into her arms and Al brightened up like a Christmas tree, "Oh, thank you miss! Thank you so much…!"

"Hey, I'll drive you home kids, hop into the back," Greed said with a point of the thumb. Wrath sighed as he got in, he was hoping to kiss Al, but it perhaps wasn't meant to be…he sulked for the rest of the ride as Al talked with Candy about Oreo's health.

As they stopped in front of Al's place, the boy turned to face Wrath, "I'll see you tomorrow…thanks for searching with me, I appreciate it." Al then leaned forward, long eyelashes moving softly, lips puckered as he kissed the dark-haired sin on the cheek lightly before pulling away, smiling and blushing as he got out of the car. Wrath's face turned a bright red as he touched the area where Al had kissed him.

"Aw, it looks like Wrath has a little boyfriend…wait…shouldn't I feel pissed off because both of my sons look like girls and are making out with boys…? Nah…" Greed decided aloud.

The kiss was never mentioned again. And it was all because of Oreo.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Envy: What? No song? (Gasps) The shock, the horror…the laziness!

Zana: Mah… (Pokes in cage) Shut up. Yay, a little AlxWrath cuteness to go around, ne? To lighten up the mood from that…very dramatic cliff hanger…

Ed: WHAT IN THE HELL _have you been smoking_? I want some…

Zana: Mine! (Holds bag of sugar protectively) As you all can see…I changed the genre to drama and humor. Because in my opinion…drama is just a huge mix up of romance, angst, tragedy and all that good soap opera things…then we have my humor so there.

Greed: HA HA! It WASN'T HOHENHEIM OF LIGHT, tricked YA!

Zana: Yes…it was SCAR! I love that Ishbalan hobo… (Hugs Scar)

Scar: (Growls and threatens to explode the authoress)

Ed: Most importantly…what the FUCK is going on!

Envy: …Yes…I would like to know too.

Zana: (Shrugs) It's whatever I feel like writing…bitches. More later, I'll update as soon as I can. School's staring soon after all… (Sighs) You know the drill…LONG POINTLESS REVIEWS MAKES ZANA HAPPY AND UPDATE FASTER!

Envy: R&R if you don't want the chibi to die…

Ed: … (Runs around in circles yelling)

Zana: Oh…and I LOVE FANART…hint, hint, hint, poke, poke, **special prizes **go out to the artists!

Ja ne!


	8. An Interlude

A/N: I know…it's been a **long** time. Don't shoot me, okay? Here's another chapter. Authoress rants saved for the end.

Warning: …Wow, this chapter's so weird, I don't even know _what_ to warn you guys about…but here's a warning so yeah…

XXXX

"_Love is the most beautiful and most dangerous angel of all." _

_-_ Francesca Lia Block

XXXX

**Drive Me Crazy**

**Chapter 8: An Interlude **

XXX

Envy's Point of View

XXX

You know, I've once heard that in certain times of crisis, near-death experiences and crap, the human body momentarily develops super strength, so to speak, in order to survive.

I think that's what happened to me, because as soon as I saw Ed's body flying through the air, threatening to hit the ground, my legs went pumping and I was going fast, faster than I've ever gone before. I felt light with hollow bones. It was a far distance to reach, but I wasn't going to let the chibi go down like that.

I looked ahead, Ed was more visible now and I was still too far away. I needed to go _faster_, damnit! My hair was flying all over the place and my arms were stretched forward. Ed was only mere feet off of the ground now…no, I'd be too late…

And then out of the fucking shadows or some shit, came that hobo that was kissing up on my chibi and he…he fucking caught Ed.

Once I was close enough, I grabbed the blonde out of his arms and held him close, his skin felt frozen. The hobo spoke, "Do you love Edward?"

I gave him a glare, if I wasn't holding Ed; I would have kicked his trashy hobo ass by now. "I don't believe in that, but if you mean do I like Ed a whole lot, then hell yeah. If you know what's good for you, you'd run away. Don't worry hobo, I'm still coming after ya later." The hobo gave me a look, before removing those tacky sunglasses. His eyes were red. The hobo then ran off as the crowd of students and teachers encircled us.

Mustang was one of the first and placed his jacket over Edo's body. The faint wail of an ambulance was heard in the distance. Feeling the chibi safe in my arms made me rethink the idea of being in love.

XXX

"…Niisan." Alphonse Elric uttered this only word which caused Wrath to look inquisitively as they were being driven in Greed's car. He timidly placed his hand against the dirty blonde's which caused an instant flush in the cheeks from the both of them. "What's up Al…?"

The young teenager frowned softly, looking down, "I don't know how to explain it…but my heart jolted and I saw my brother…I think something's wrong with him." Wrath blinked, _Wow, he and Ed are really close…why does Envy have to be such an asshole? My heart won't jolt for that bastard…although it would be school to have Brotherly ESP…_

"Maybe we should go and drive over to their school, would that make you feel better?" Al nodded, sending another smile Wrath's way that made the boy's stomach tickle with butterflies. _He's so…cute, I just want to…_

Greed made a sharp U-Turn which disturbed Wrath's thoughts as he practically fell _on top_ of Al as a result. Al squawked their foreheads bumped together and they rolled out of the backseat, hitting the car floor. Greed chuckled, "That's why you should wear your seatbelts boys…"

Wrath proceeded to try and choke Greed with a seatbelt while he drove. Greed's cell phone rang and he picked up, "Yo…oh, it's you Envy, what's up? Huh…uh-huh…oh…damn, you serious? Alright…alright, we'll be on the way…later." He clicked off, "…Alphonse, your brother's in the hospital," he stated in a completely serious tone which was extremely rare of the sin. Al couldn't help it, he went into tears.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

At first, there was no light. The chill of the darkness seeped into Ed's very bones, rattling them to the core. He thought…he thought that he was dead and that this was death. But slowly, ever so slowly, blurred images whizzed around, a spectrum of every shade, hue, and tint started to mold themselves around the images, dark lines forming into human shapes and textures until Edward found himself in the middle of a dream…but not one of his own.

_The slight breeze of the fall wind pulled the orange, red, and brown leaves around, off of balding trees and concrete sidewalks. Ed was across the street from an elementary school. _

_At that very second, the doors busted open with red faced children bundled up with hats and scarves, running into the arms of loving mothers and fathers who then drove them back home for hot chocolate smothered with marshmallows._

_The very last child to come out was a blonde-haired girl. Ed recognized her without delay, short blonde hair and bright blue eyes holding a painting she had created in class earlier that day of power tools. Ed couldn't help but laugh faintly, 'Winry…' _

_Everyone else had gone home already, it was only her left. The brightness in her eyes had only dimmed slightly as she sat down at the corner, waiting. Ed crossed over the street and approached her, "Hey Winry..." But the girl did not respond. He waved his hand in front of her but still no response. _

'_I'm dead…of course…or I'm in a dream…of course she can't see me…' _

_Ed sat down next to her and waited alongside her. _

_Hours later, after the sun had gone down and the lone half moon had taken its place, Winry hugged her knees close to her body and dropped her picture, shivering. "…Where's my mommy and daddy?" she asked herself. People had walked past her all day and ignored the fact that this young girl was sitting out in the cold all by herself. _

_There was nothing Ed could do for her, because he did not exist, but that still didn't stop him from getting upset. He stood up and started scolding, "What in the hell is wrong with you people? Doesn't anyone care? Can't you see she's all by herself? Where are the police or something, she can't get home by herself…where are Winry's parents!" _

_But no one could hear. _

_He shook with rage before looking back at his friend, her face was now hidden. She was a ball of flesh sitting there to rot. 'I have to do something…she must be starving and cold…Winry…what if she gets kidnapped?' _

"_Winry, there you are! I've been searching all over for you…" _

_It was Auntie Pinako, that old hag. "What took you so long?" he wanted to snap at her. Winry looked up, "...Grandma Pinako? Granny…where is mommy and daddy? I wanted to show them what I did in school today…all the boys said that I was weird, but I held my head high like momma said…"_

"…_That's wonderful…you're just like your mother," Pinako stated, "But…oh listen dear, something's happened…something has happened…" _

_The next part of this, Ed was not able to hear. Pinako removed her coat and placed it on Winry as she spoke. Winry's eyes went wide, so wide that the pupils had disappeared and there was only a blank blue color. She was screaming, kicking and yelling, mouth contorted into a wail-shape 'O' as Pinako tried in vain to calm her down. _

"_What a troublesome child, that poor old woman…" He heard one woman gossip to another. "She's not bad! She just found out that her PARENTS died you assholes!" That had been in vain as well. _

_Trisha had told him about what had happened to Winry that day, and when Ed had seen her the next day, she seemed indifferent. Like it didn't bother her and so the had played 'Marriage,' her favorite game. Ed was the mommy and she was the daddy. She had called him Sarah. He had only agreed because his mother told him that he had to be extra-nice to Winry for awhile. _

_But Ed had never known her pain, what she had gone through just as she found out. She had thought that it would be another regular day filled with sticky kisses and playing wrenches with daddy. But her whole sky came tumbling down hard…_

"_And there's nothing…I can do…" He said aloud, "This isn't a dream…it's a memory…her memory…and I'm seeing it…!" _

The scene faded and new images appeared, recycled from the previous ones. It was a memory of his own, and one that he was not fond of. The one memory that screwed up his view on so many things at such a young age…such a small even having an extreme impact…

_Ed was in his own house, face to face with the three year old version of himself, all limbs still in tact. The ghost of his past ran through him and into the arms of…his father. A bitter smile came to his face. The bastard was still there, pretending as if he still gave a shit about them. The irony…_

_That Bastard lifted the younger Ed onto his broad shoulders. The younger Ed was smiling and stole That Bastard's glasses, putting them on, "Daddy, when the baby coming?" He asked for about the millionth time. "…Soon, you must be patient Edward…" Younger Ed nodded before putting the glasses back on That Bastard's face, "I want a little brother. I'll take good care of him; I'll be the big brother, right daddy?" That Bastard chuckled, "Right…or you might even have a little sister, we'll just have to see." _

_That Bastard then did the helicopter, when he would spin and spin Ed around the room until objects mixed together in his vision and laughter would bubble up out of his throat and he would laugh and laugh until he couldn't breathe. _

_Watching this, Ed realized that there **was** a time in his life where everything was…perfect. _

_That Bastard carried the younger Ed into the next room where his very firs pet resided, Goldie the Goldfish. But as the child ran over to the bowl, he knew that something was wrong with Goldie. She had floated to the top of her bowl. She was lifeless. _

"…_Goldie…daddy why isn't she moving? Is she sick…?" The child stuck a finger into the bowl, "Goldie…move…daddy, called the doctor…Goldie's sick…" That Bastard had kneeled down and gently pulled the young blonde away from the bowl._

_Ed closed his eyes and looked away, he remember this next part all too clearly. _

"…_Edward, Goldie is dead." It was the first time he had ever heard of the word. "…What's dead?" That Bastard pause before saying, "It's when one sleeps for a very long time and never wakes up." _

"_Am I going to die daddy?" _

"_We all have to one day my son…but for you, that will be a very, very long time." _

"_Will it hurt?" _

"…_I don't know my son…for some it does…" _

The memory was gone. Ed didn't need to see anymore. He remembered the night when he tried to choke himself in the safety of his own room (almost succeeding in suicide, unbeknownst to his young mind) just to see what dying would be like. It wasn't comfortable and he went to sleep crying, paranoid of dying, of mommy dying…of that bastard dying…

Wicked laughter rose into his ears. As Ed turned around, his optics captured the next memory, the next flashback. It was a forest, not a deep one mind you, just one with a few trees and thick green leaves, a few wild berries growing along with poison ivy and thorns. A girl with the skin color of coffee mingled with cream wandered through, occasionally tripping on a root or vine located on the rough ground. 'It's Rose…' He thought, the girl that he most definitely had a crush on… (Or so he still thought, vaguely).

Other students dressed in the same uniform as she was all stood on a hill up ahead, Rose smiled at them, waving her hand and signaling that she was near. One girl whispered something into another boy's ear and the both laughed. Rose joined their group, signing happily to them.

'_I'm so glad, they all want to be my friends…they don't think that I'm weird…I fit in somewhere…' _ Ed blinked; he was hearing her thoughts as well. "Okay, to be in this club, you have to go through some initiations…" the leader of the group, a chubby red-haired girl chewing obnoxiously on gum, smacking and popping her piece every second. Rose moved her fingers, 'Like what?' The girl and the others grinned as two of the boys held her down to the floor. Deep violet eyes panicked as the fat girl lit a match, "This is the first test, let's see if you can scream."

'No…I don't want this, I just wanted a friend, someone to care about me…! Someone help me…!' Pure terror and fear laced in her voice, shooting through Ed's mind and he screamed, _"ROSE!"_

XXXXX

If one was to walk near the area in which Edward Elric was being 'kept hostage in his room' according to a particularly upset green-haired teenager, that said person would come to think that Edward Elric was a fucking _celebrity…_

Since more than half the school was crowding up the hospital, "I love you Ed," signs being made by the freshmen who knew shit and the stoners lighting a bond fire indoors, burning their own money (as well as their pot) as some type of pseudo sacrifice to the blonde, all of them singing 'Lost Heaven' by L'Arc-En-Ciel. (A/N: Like the best song ever…)

It took Al, Greed, and Wrath awhile to get through the masses of bodies before reaching where Envy and Roy were currently fighting trying to barge into Ed's room, but being held back by security. Al frowned, moving over to the doctor, "Excuse me miss…will my brother be alright…? Is he going to…?"

The woman smiled kindly, "No, he had a serious mental breakdown and will be needing therapy. As of right now, he is asleep and that is crucial to his recovery which is why we cannot let those two in…" she deadpanned, staring at Roy and Envy who were still going at it. Al laughed nervously, "I apologize, it's just the way they are…"

He felt warm fingers entwined in his own, "Are you going to be okay Al? I don't want you having mental breakdowns like your brother next…" said Wrath, blushing softly. "I'll be fine…I'm just glad to know that he's not leaving me…oh, look at me, I'm crying again…" His cheeks turned wet with tears again. Envy stopped cursing enough to notice that the chibi's brother was here. He calmed down and walked over to the boy, lifting him up and taking him away to a less isolated place in the overly populated hospital. Wrath growled and stomped his feet, "Envy you bastard! Stop stealing my boyfriend, yours is stuck in a room!"

Al blinked, looking back at Wrath, "Did you just call me your boyfriend?" he shouted back. "Yeah! Is that okay?"

"It's better than okay…it's great! I love you!"

Wrath blushed, "Me too!"

Somewhere, sparkly music started playing as the crowd went, "Awww!" Russell Tringham twitched, "Why the hell is everyone turning _GAY?" _

Greed sniffed, removing his sunglasses and wiping his eyes, "Ah…young love…I remember when I use to have it with Dante…and Patricia…and Veronica…and Susan…and Delilah…and Roxanne…and Julia…and…Lola, and Rebecca and Melissa and Dana and May and Lily and Candy and hell…even the damn authoress of this fic!"

Roy stared at Greed.

"You…are my hero."

XXXXXXX

Al frowned, "…A closet? Should I be scared…?" Envy stared back, "I'm not a pedophile like Mustang. Now then, I want to know the chibi's back story. About this man named Scar and about the chibi's arm and leg…and I know that you know…"

The light flickered. Al glanced at the floor, playing with his fingers, "…I shouldn't tell you…but I think you should have a right to know…" The lights flickered again before the younger Elric started his story, "When mom first started to get seriously sick…my brother…he got involved in some pretty bad things…he was into drugs and smoking…it was all Scar's fault, he's twice my brother's age and he pulled him into this world…it was pretty fucked up…"

Envy blinked. Alphonse 'Goody-Good' Elric…had cursed…yep; things must have been shit…

"He and my brother…I knew they had sex, but when they did, it wasn't normal sex…it was really rough and painful…I would remember trying to sleep when mom had to be in the hospital and my brother would end up crying because of the damaged Scar inflicted…they used knives...tools…whips…my brother, I was afraid he was going to kill himself…that…Scar would kill him through their sex…"

"One night, they took it too far. The way my brother yelled…his voice…I'll never forget it…I ran up to the room, I broke down the door…an-and…I found his limbs on the floor…that bastard Scar had sliced them off…"

Al was hysterical now, his eyes wide, "Envy he cut off his arms and legs! That's not love…that's just pain…that's NOT what he needed! Th-then the doctor…he received fake limbs…that looked real…but…" His words became jumbled and incoherent, Envy held the boy close, stroking his dark blonde hair, "It's alright chibi-san-ni…thank you for telling me…"

There was a knock on the door.

"ENVY! I want my boyfriend back now!" Wrath whined. Envy opened the door and released Al.

"_Hoju_, you've made him CRY!"

"Oh shut your bratty mouth, _Moofy._"

The two brothers exchanged secret smiles. Their bond was back.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

_He didn't notice the pain as much anymore, it was only a dull throbbing that just happened to beat on every single spot of his body. Maybe it was the poison, the honey syrupy drug that Scar had given him before this next bout that made it seem to be not as bad. _

_His golden eyes were glazed over, the side of his face pressing into the pillow ass raised as high up as it could be in the air as he felt Scar's burning cock bury itself deep. He moaned and jerked as the man brushed upon his sweet spot, colors of the entire rainbow flashing before his very drug-induced eyes. Sticky wet liquid ran down his thighs, the usual mix of blood and cum as the richly tanned man pulled out, giving his abused behind a good, hard smack that caused his head to hit against the wall in front of him. His world was spinning, fading, dancing into darkness._

_Scar leaned over him, something silvery and sharp held in his capable hand, "…Don't you dare fall asleep Edward..." _

_Ripping bone and flesh proceeded, the sicking metallic stench of blood strong in the air…and crying…broken sobs, spit and snot blending with blood and sweat already located on the surface of his skin…_

'_Am I going to die?' _

'_Who's crying…wait that's me…' _

'_Momma…?' _

"_Am I going to die daddy?" _

"_We all have to one day my son…but for you, that will be a very, very long time." _

"_Will it hurt?" _

"…_I don't know my son…for some it does…" _

'…_**And deliver us from evil, amen.' **_

'_There are bad people in this world son, never get yourself involved with one of them…' _

Honey gold eyes opened.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Zana: Mm…I wanted angst but humor kicked in…meh, I hope there were _some_ angst-y scenes there. Bad religious hobos! (Whacks Scar with a newspaper)

Envy: HOW DARE YOU HURT MY CHIBI-SAN? FOR THAT, THE PENALTY IS DEATH! (Hops on Scar and starts beating the shit out of him)

Scar: Ishbala! (Explodes Zana's house due to fight)

Zana: My house…(wibbles) I have nowhere to live…maybe one of the reviewers would take me into their home…(Hopefully glances) Anyway, I like that nickname for Al…chibi-san-ni…little shorty number two, although I'm not sure if it translates that way, but whatever… the inspiration song for this chapter, was, of course, L'Arc's Lost Heaven…it fits the end of the movie so perfectly, it made me cry when I saw it…and the opening epitomes the entire series for FMA wonderfully…in fact, I wrote essays about how so…(Loser-Nerd is me!)

**FMA MOVIE SPOILER RANT, IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN DON'T READ! **

Zana: ...Even though I enjoyed the movie highly and thought of it as a good anime ending to a show (UNLIKE INUYASHA, WHICH WAS CRAP, I'm sorry to say and hope not to offend anyone) I though it kinda go off-track with the anime...can't really explain it…everyone was Emo or a Nazi…and Wrath DID NOT get deserve to be eaten by Gluttony, that Noah chick was kinda random and Envy was barely…there? He ate Papa Hoho! The movie made me cry, they killed off everyone…left most of the characters in their own world…I WAS ABOUT TO SLAP Ed when he tried to leave AL…AGAIN! But…they end up together so it makes me happy. The movie ending was way open-minded and that makes me wibble for a sequel, but that's unlikely…so there goes my rant…

AND WTF? They destroyed the Gate? I thought the Gate was this almighty God-like _thing_ and yet they destroy it…heh, my friend said Ed did that so that Winry couldn't ever come near him again…(Giggles) But…I spent most of the movie crying my eyes out…FMA is the **only **show that makes me cry to it…

**RANT OVER! **

Zana: SO, the next chapter is THE LAST CHAPTER! But I have a sequel in works. A preview of the sequel will be in the next chapter! I'll try to update, school and real life have been taking over again…

Will Envy get Scar?

Will Edo ever find sanity again?

Will Roy stop being…Roy-ish? Will he get with Riza the P.E. teacher?

Will Al and Wrath continue on with their relationship?

Who's the special guest in the NEXT CHAPTER?

And will Envy and Edo end up together?

WILL THERE BE A LEMON? (Yes…) ALONG with another SONG at the end! Woot!

Stay tuned and **REVIEW **for the conclusion of**…Drive Me Crazy! **

**Ja ne! **


	9. You Can Only Keep Moving On

Envy and Ed: (Do the It's-The-Last-Chapter-Break-Dance)

Zana: Please don't hate me. (Bows and then hides in a corner)

**Drive Me Crazy**

**Chapter 9: You Can Only Keep Moving On**

Edward Elric sat up a shiver crawled down his spine causing him to shudder. He examined the room he was in, the white room with scratchy bed sheets, a hard pillow. He was alive. He wasn't having strange dreams. This was real. Reality. Not the past but _now._

Ed shuffled out of bed, feeling the cool air hit his skin and open back of his hospital nightgown. He walked over to the door and touched the knob, slowly opening it. It was then where he was faced with Roy, Al, Wrath, and…

"_Edo!" _

Envy's arms circled around him, pulling him back into warmth that h had been longing for. He embraced this, sighing softly as he allowed his body to just sag. He could feel his brother join in on this as well, but blinked curiously as he looked onward, seeing teachers and students. "…You guys…why are they all here…?"

"That's not important right now. What's important is _you_. I'm sor…" Ed shook his head, placing a finger on Envy's lips, "No, I'm sorry. Your right, I shouldn't been hiding things from you. I shouldn't have been pretending and I sure shouldn't have practically killed myself by jumping off a damned school roof. I made everyone worry about me…and I've hurt people I care about in the process. Turns out I was diagnosed for extreme manic-depressive episodes, go figure."

He reached out a hand to ruffle Al's hair. "But when I was asleep or unconscious or whatever…I saw things…and I remembered things…I don't even know what it was all about, but it helped me get over myself. I'm ready to get whatever medication I need to keep me in check…and Envy, the whole Scar thing's in my past…"

He took Envy's hand and intertwined their fingers together, "But I want you to be apart of my future, that's if you don't mind having a crazy boyfriend who cross-dresses and has freaky visions, fake limbs along with voices inside of his head." Envy smirked, "I wouldn't want to have you any other way. From now on, if you're going to have one of your angst episodes, we'll have them together, agreed?"

Ed smiled softly, "Agreed." He closed his eyes and stood on his tippy-toes (not that he was SHORT or anything) feeling Envy's warm lips brush against his own in a kiss. Ed could hear loud clapping in the background and pulled away as a yellow daisy flew in the air and he caught it, blushing slightly, "Um…thanks…? Oh, and I have an announcement to make; I don't want to be your school president, so if you were planning on voting for me…please don't…vote for Tringham."

"Off to bed you go now, I don't think the doctor wants you up," Envy said, lifting the blonde and carrying him to his room like a night as Ed's 'posse' followed after. Russell sighed, "Aw damn…now it's hard to _dislike _Elric…I give up…" He joined the bonfire tribute made for Ed.

**XXX**

**Four Days Later **

**XXX**

Al held a white teddy bear that he had purchased for his mother as he walked alongside Wrath. He had already given his brother a stuffed cow ("Not that evil producer of _MILK!_").

"I have a good feeling, I think mom's going to wake up from her coma very soon," the blonde of the two said. Wrath smiled, he had been smiling so much lately he felt as if his face was going to fall off, but Al said that he liked it when he smiled, and so, he kept on doing it. He held onto Al's hand, "What do you think she'll say about you and me…?"

"…I think she won't have a problem, mom's always been very open-minded about things like this. Besides, we're going to get married some day." A light flush came to Wrath's face, "Mah-mah married? Are you serious?" Al giggled, "…Half yes…I love you Wrath, I really do. You always make me happy…"

As they walked into the room, Al stopped, seeing someone by his mother's side, holding onto her hand as a doctor said, "…We've lost her…"

The white bear fell to the ground, as Al opened his lips to utter the words, "…D…Da…Dad…?"

"Alphonse…" replied back the elder man with small square glasses, of great height and body mostly hidden by a mere brown coat. He looked back solemnly into the brown silver eyes of his son, "…I'm too late, aren't I…?"

**XXXXXXX**

Snicker. "_Stoppit_ Envy…!" Squeal. Grope. Tickle.

Edward exhaled softly, once again trying to get his lover's hands off of him but Envy was persistent. The dark haired teenager, however, didn't expect for his boyfriend to growl and gain strength from somewhere as he sat on top of him, pinning his wrists above his head on the tiny hospital bed. Ed stared him down with determination set in his eyes, his cheeks slightly puffed out. Envy had the urge to go, _'Aww!'_ but kept the small comment to himself.

"…Do you think I'm sexy?" Edward inquired.

"…I think you're very sexy," was the automatic response, "do you even need to seriously ask? I think you're so sexy in fact, I want to have your children."

"I would accept that if only you were a female and therefore capable of producing children and if we were both older with a nice home and stable jobs." Envy snorted, "So practical you are, takes away all of the fun."

"Yeah, yeah…" Edward made his way off of Envy and stretched, arching his back and curling his bare toes on the cool ground beneath his feet. He turned his head and eyed Envy, "…Do you love me?"

Envy sat up for this one, looking Edward straight in the eyes, "…I can't say yet. And before you go off into a fit or something, I have a very good, cheesy sounding explanation." Edward crossed his arms as Envy cleared his throat, "…I have issues when it comes to that word. The kind of issues that make me twitch, grimace, and scowl whenever it's heard. And I want to tell you those three words when I'm over those issues. Preferably when we get married and have our children…why are you looking at me like that? It's a murderous intent glare that I'm not liking so much shorty…"

"It's not a murderous intent glare. I've just made a decision based on proper morals," Edward stated rather proudly, "I'm not going to sleep with you until you do state that you love me!"

"…Mmm, now I'm regretting this, can I take back my statement?"

"…No, no you cannot. Sorry Envy."

**XXX**

"…I always told brother that you had a reason. A really good reason for just waltzing out of our lives…I told brother that you'd come back someday with a reason for everything…then mom would get better and things would go back to the way they once were." Observing Al, Wrath was wary. He had cried over things like cats and romantic movies, yet he seemed so unemotional about his own mother's death. The return of his estranged father.

"…I was wrong. Really _wrong_. I know mom had no control over this, but this was the wrong time for her to die...brother will be devastated when he finds out…and when he sees dad I'm afraid that he might get heated enough to kill…dad insists that we don't tell brother…half of me knows it's the wrong thing to do, but half of me wants to keep this a secret…just until he gets back on his feet." Al laughed softly, "I have to be the strong one once again. Sometimes I wonder why I wasn't the first born."

Wrath lifted his skinny pale arms and then gently wrapped them around Al in a comforting gesture, "…I think you look just like your mother. In that way she's not really dead, you see?" The dark haired boy could feel the dark blonde's fingers dig deeply into his back as Alphonse's face disappeared into the depths of his shirt as they remained in front of her lifeless form.

**XoXoXo **

Hohenheim looked away from the slightly jarred door, hearing the happy sounds of Edward's voice. _Happy._

_He's all grown up now, making his own choices…learning from his own mistakes…how I wish I was there to see him through it all…now I want to be here…I want to make up for my mistakes…_

The older man shook his head, touching his chin in deep thought. _Trisha, what would you do?_

"_I would be a parent. The best parent I could be, my Hohenheim." _

His eyes snapped open as he looked around wildly, he swore that he had heard Trisha…yet there was no sign of her. He calmed down and took a deep breath, a small smile gracing his lips, "You always knew what was best…Trisha…"

Footsteps trailed light from behind him, "…Eh…? Rose he looks really familiar…"

Hohenheim looked over, "…Sara-Winry…?"

**XXX**

Edward's Point of View

**XXX**

Envy was just really pushing it, wasn't he…?

But I couldn't help but blush when he kept on rubbing his fingers on my stomach like that. It made me that much more aware of how paper thin the hospital gown was, a simple tear away from exposing me. I had told Envy I wasn't going to have sex with him, but that didn't stop him from still being all touchy-feely. He even said that oral could be in since the dictionary definition of sex was _penile to vaginal intercourse. _Or in this case, it would be dick to asshole romping. _Yay. _

But in all actuality, I don't think I'll be ready for all that lovely stuff anytime soon. Number one, Envy needs to tell me that he loves me so that the girly part of me is sated and number two…I've never had normal sex before. That alone raises guards and creates barriers, but I'm sure that with some time, I'll be _ready_.

"Do you think that there's an extra nurse costume just lying around somewhere…maybe one that's just your size perhaps, mmm?" I slap Envy's wandering hand away from the nice little spot in between my legs, getting a hard on was the last thing I wanted at this point. Envy made a pouty face and just kept me wrapped up tightly, kissing everywhere that I allowed him to, occasionally whispering cute little one-liners into my ear, telling me how beautiful I was and so on. Despite all of this, I feel irritable, and I'm not sure if it's due to the weird aura I'm getting in the air or if that's just my meds kicking in.

"_ARE YOU GOING TO GET IN THERE AND HAVE A SPINE FOR ONCE? HOW DARE YOU…!" _

Only one girl that I know screams like that. "…Winry?" Envy glares at the door and hops away from me, raising his fist in a threatening motion, "No guests for today, Edward and I are having happy time together so why don't you just fuc…!" Envy's voice cuts off as my father walks into the room, Winry and Rose dwindling in comparison to his height behind him. He smiled at me, "…I'm glad that you've found someone that cares for you…Edward."

My left eye twitched as I picked up the object closest to me, and I was focused on throwing it toward that fucking disappearing bastard of all time (that I hate even more than _Roy_) but the look in his eyes made me stop.

His eyes gave it all away.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Zana: That's what we call a cliff hanger for a sequel ladies and gentlemen…I know it's a bad ending anyway, I most likely will end up rewriting it sometime soon. I've been having horrible cases of writer's block and also I've been busy with tests, school sports, and the usual life drama. So. Um…please forgive me! (Begs for forgiveness) I promise that when the sequel comes around it will be happy and wonderful and _not _crappy.

I'd like to thank of the reviewers who enjoyed this and I'd like to give every single one a bouquet of roses. _THANK YOU ALL! YOU'RE WONERFUL! _I have a few other EdoxEnvy works in the process, such as **Rewrite** (which I'm co-writing with Miss Tool 2) and **Crazy/Beautiful**, so it would be muchly appreciated if you could kindly check those out as well! Until next time,

Ja ne!


End file.
